Wednesday, October 7, 2009


In honour of Nikolai Khabibulin reaching the 300 win mark last night with his shootout victory over the Dallas Stars...I present to you this wonderful masterpiece. I spent a good 3 minutes on this one, so enjoy it. I have no story or written words to go with I'll leave you with a big, happy "GOILERS!!1!!!"


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Da Stars

Pictured Above: A Star.

I'll make this quick. The Stars fly into RX1 tonight. The Oilers are looking to shake off the feelings of despair that they most undoubtedly felt after watching Khabibulin pull a Horcoff (read: Whiffing on a puck.) to end their season opener on a bit of a downer.

The Powerful and Mighty Oilers will be looking to absolutely hand it to the Marc Crawfordly looking Dallas Stars this evening. This game also marks the return of Charile Huddy to RX1, as he is now an assistant coach with the enemy after being let go by Tambo this summer.

The offensive aspect of the Oilers' home opener wasn't too much to complain about. They showed that they can play physical. They got their noses dirty and generated chances by charging hard to the net and being tenacious on the puck. But I do expect a little bit cleaner play from our squadron this evening on the defensive side of things. Quinn mentioned in the post game comments from Saturday's game that he wasn't terribly thrilled on how his team looked on any of the four goals against. I would have to agree with him. Mostly because he's Pat Fucking Quinn, and also because all four goals against were pretty weak. Except that last one...there was nothing Khabibulin could do on that one. (read: Sarcasm)

Sounds like Nilsson draws into the lineup to replace Moreau who sits tonight with some sort of infection in his foot or something. I dunno. But nothing seems to surprise me anymore when it comes to our Captain and injuries.

The game is being broadcast on PPV tonight. There's an PPV party with Wanye Gretz and Jason Gregor being held at a swanky new pub "The Pint" at 10125 - 109 Street in E-town. I've been told it's the old Fox and Hounds or something? If I lived within cab ride distance of that place I would be there. But I don't. So I'm just going to continue to pout about it.

Speaking of PPV games... What the fuck is with having the second Oilers game being broadcast as a PPV game? I realize the network/regional tv draw of the Oilers has probably dwindled somewhat since the '06 cup run. But dammit. I don't want to pay for a PPV game so early in the year. I need to see this team in action a few times before I'll commit to dumping 15 bucks on a PPV game. I suppose it's cheaper than "going" to a game...and who am I kidding...I paid for PPV games at the end of the 06-07 season when the team went 2-18 in the final 20 games. One more thing, have you seen the PPV schedule for November? Good lord. There's like 5 of them! I'm going to need to find some friends house(s), bars and/or internet feeds to watch some of those ones. The last thing I need is an extra 75 bucks on my Satellite bill.

Ok then, my guess is Oilers 5, Stars 1. Gagner with the hat trick tonight. heard it here first.


Saturday, October 3, 2009

Stay Hydrated

Well well well. What the hell do we have here? Am I mistaken?... or is tonight the season opener for the Edmonton Oilers? You're god damn right it is! I sure hope Khabibulin is drinking lots of water. We don't need our new/old goalie getting dehydrated and having to leave the game between the second and third periods. Do we?

This has been the longest day ever. I woke up this morning around 7 I am normally prone to do. Reason: My kid tends to wake up between 6:30 and 7:00 am every day, which is awesome. I get to live every day to the fullest extent possible, regardless of the state of my hangover. Ahh, the joys of parenthood. You see...some of you may not know...but I am the proud father of a 2 year old girl. (Yeah...I know hey? I barely have the mental maturity of a 12 year old...let alone an adult that could parent offspring ...and have it survice to the age of Two.)

She's a cutie it makes waking up so bloody early at least worth it.

What a darling eh? How do you suppose she knows to what team to cheer for? I swear I've never told her ANYTHING about the Oilers. Ever. She doesn't even know what hockey is.

"But...umm...TB...I hear you in that video telling her what to say."

Well....then....I suggest you get your hearing checked...because I've reviewed this video multiple times and I can't hear anything but a cute kid cheering for her favorite hockey team. My guess is that through some miracle of genetics, she knows that the Oilers are awesome and she must cheer for them to ensure the survival of her species. That's just my guess.

Moving on...

Game Day Bitches!!! The Oilers are playing host to those farm animal lovin' cowpokes from down south this evening. It should be a spirited affair, as always. I'm anxious to see how the Oilers play tonight because the Flames have already played a regular season game. For that reason, I hope the Oilers don't come out flat and I hope they bring it from the second the puck is dropped.

The Flames looked pretty good against the Canucks the other night. They stormed out of the gates and had the Canucks on their heels for 2/3 of the game. The third period was all Vancouver...but the shock and awe technique employed by the Flames in the first two periods was enough to build a lead and weather the storm for the third.

The Oilers need to play a full 60 mintues tonight. They were guilty of playing partial games last season. I don't recall very many games last season where the Oilers stormed out of the gates and kept rolling through to the final buzzer. I sure hope that is one aspect the Oilers work on this season.

I expect the 4th line tonight to be the money maker. I think the combo of Moreau, Gagner and Stortini is a good mix of grit, hard work and skill. It should fare well against the Flames.

That brings me to a final thought: I like these line combos that Quinn and his 332 coaches have thought up. I like the idea of a balanced attack. I mean, sure you could have ONE really potent line...but then you sacrifice the other lines to be chock full of muckers and ham n' eggers. I like the idea of mixing a bit of skill with a bit of hard's a departure from the Mactavish days where we had lines of skill, lines of defensive forwards, lines of muckers and lines of grinders. You knew when the bottom two lines were out on the ice that the chance of scoring a goal was pretty much nil. This way any line has a good chance of potting some G's at any point.

...sounds good in theory...doesn't it?

...what the hell do I know. I just hope it works.

Game time is 8:00pm MST. CBC.


Towel Boy

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wait...what? There's Hockey Already?

Picture Above: Me, looking at the calendar the other day and discovering there is hockey being played already.

What the hell!?! There's friggin hockey being played already! It's the middle of September! Who saw this coming!?!

Yeah, so basically in my excitement of becoming a new owner of a sweet top hat (pictured above), I forgot that the preaseason season was happening. I didn't forget in the sense that the Oilers have played two preseason games already and I didn't know. I "forgot" in the sense that some people actually read this site and expect well written, informative and often mind blowing essays on all things Oil. What better time to fire up the old blogging machine than the first preseason game for the Oilers. Problem is, I was lazy...didn't do it and the first preseason game was two days ago.

Sooooo, I'm hoping all my faithful readers will forgive my laziness and absense over the past couple months and start reading my crap again. I have quite a few unique visitors to this site. If you'll bare with me, I'd like to give a shout out to some of my regular returning visitors:

1. Google cache. You, my friend, have been coming back to this site since it started. You stop by every few days to see if there's any new content and I applaud you for that. I'll remember you, always.

2. Google image search = Child_crying.jpg

I don't know what it is about this picture...but it gets more visitors to my site than any other image I have. People must google image search "Child crying" lots...cuz I bet I get 3 or 5 unique visitors per month looking for this image. Is there that many depressed individuals in the world that they actually look for pictures like this? Does it make them feel better? I know it makes me feel better and I'm glad I google image searched it 10 months ago. I look at it from time to time when I'm feeling sad and I realize that the kid in that picture has it much worse than I do. "Haha...loser" I say to the kid in that picture when I'm feeling sad, and then after I say that I feel awesome again. True story.

3. - I'm not sure what you guys are looking for, but I'm not involved in any terrorist plots to overthrow the government and I think Obama is a pretty cool dude.

4. Mom - Thanks mom.

5. Person that connects to the internets via the University of Alberta running MacOSx - You read this site. Lots. If I could identify you I would by you a sandwich or something. Keep coming!

6. Myself - You, good sir, have more visits to this site than anyone I know. You are amazing, great looking and you have a great smile. I thank you for your tireless efforts in reading this site and I hope you'll continue doing so as the season wears on. Thank you. Sincerely.

Ok, now that we've got that out of the way...How about those OILERS!!! Yeah baby! 2 and 0 to start the preseason. I love it. I am locking down playoff tickets as we speak. I would like to share with you a few observations from the training camp and the two games so far:

- Everyone looks real damn rusty. Like many missed nets, posts and whiffs happened in the first two games? I don't keep stats for that stuff, but I wager if it was a'd be high.

- Ethan Moreau's eye still creeps me out.

- Pat Quinn looks godly behind the bench and I swear to god he will cause the splitting of an atom at some point this season from chewing the hell out of that piece of Extra Sugar Free gum.

- We have like 35 goalies at training camp this year. WTF?

- Schremp sure looked good in the first preseason tilt in Calgary. He really controlled the play on the PP and he didn't look too terribly out of position. The Islanders are sure going to have a sweet waiver wire pickup when the Oilers have to place him on waivers because they have 102 forwards to fill 14 or so spots in the lineup.

- Hemsky looks like a giant when he plays with Gagner and Nilsson. Like he absolutely looks HUGE.

- Eberle is a beaut! Man, this kid is gonna be some kind of awesome if/when he makes the team. It's crazy to think he'll go back to JUNIOR if/when the Oilers boot him out of taining camp. Pretty solid offensively. Quick shot and he's sneaky.

That's about it for now. The Oilers' next preseason game is tomorrow night against the Panthers. Somehow the TSN preseason power rankings have put the Panthers one spot ahead of the Oilers, so I figure the Panthers should walk right thru Rexall on friday and score 12 goals and not even break a sweat. We'll see, TSN preseason power rankings....we'll see.


Friday, September 4, 2009

Fotochop Friday

Jeanshorts posted an interesting video link the other day of our old pal Zack Stortini hanging out with some game nerd playing the upcoming NHL10 while discussing the finer points of hockey: fighting and being a pest in the NHL.

I am so bloody pumped about the upcoming latest release of arguably one of the best sports games ever created. So pumped that I whipped out my photochop machine, input a few 1's and 0's and had the machine put Zack Attack on the cover. Why? Cuz Zack Attack is quickly entrenching himself in Oiler fan psyche as a player that bleeds copper and blue. He's like a regular Joe that doesn't possess any amazing talents and has to work extra hard for every minute ice time. He's not a whiny superstar jerk (Read: Dany Heatley) and I think that's why he's so easy to root for.

I don't know if you watch as much Oiler website video as I do, but I can tell you that this summer has been the Zack Stortini show. Between boatloads of public appearances, charity work, fishing, picking garbage and helping old ladies cross the street, Zack has been the Oilers' PR go to guy. I'm 100% positive he does it because he wants to, not because he has to. But that's the type of stuff that wins over fans. He's chosen to stay in Edmonton for the off season and make the city his home. You gotta respect that.

I like Zack Attack. He just seems like such a down to earth guy. He's seems thoughtful and respectful off the ice. On the ice I'm sure he's a bit of a mouthpiece. But that's his game, and say what you will about his fighting style, he backs it up. He's been amping up his off season training regiment and training with one of the best NHL fighters in George Laraque. I think Zack is going to have a wonderful season in both fisticuffs and points and settle into a nice actual full time gig in the nightly Oiler lineup.

The season is just around the corner! I can't wait.

P.S. If there is any takers in the world of PS3 that want to have their asses handed to them in NHL'10 when it comes out...friend me... Cooked_Electron is the name. You've been warned.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Let's DOOOOOOOOoooo THIS!!1!!!! I know I've been a little slack around here lately. It's summer. What do you want from me? This is primarily an Oiler related blog and there hasn't been much exciting Oiler related news for me to force on to you my opinions of said news.

Aside from this whole "douche bag" thing (read: Dany Heatley) this summer, there hasn't been much excitement from 'ol Tambo and his crew.

It looks, by all accounts, that the Oil will be going into training camp with virtually the same roster as last season. Of course a new/old goalie is in net and we no longer have the services of Kyle Brodziak. But aside from that, we can expect the same group of guys to lace'em up for the Mighty Oil. There is still time for Tambo to make a trade or two. We'll see. But chances are good that the roster will remain unchanged.

I think this year is going to be different with this group though. Last summer heading into training camp we (the fans, the media, the coach) had high expectations of this team. We all know how that turned out. But if there's one thing the Oilers know how to do - it's how to not live up to expectations. Whether that means sucking when expectations are high or playing lights out when expectations are low is anyone's guess. This team has shown tenancies to do both.

This year is different for me because I almost don't care about the tiny details. I don't care if Hemsky gets 90 pts. I don't care if Sam Gagner plays the first half of the season like he typically plays the second half. I don't care if Souray's shoulder explodes. I don't care if Lubo's shoulder is healed. I don't care if Horcoff buries feeds from Hemsky or whiffs on them. I don't care if the Oilers get blown out 10-2. All I care about, from the bottom of my heart, is that the Oilers somehow, some way MAKE THE FUCKING PLAYOFFS. I don't care about the details of how they do it...I just want it done. I'm so tired of not caring much about hockey after the regular season is over.

It's been three summers of playoff hockey with zero Oiler content. I can't take another. I need a reason to damage my liver...other than "hey, it's Monday night!"

Oh, and if you dig the picture up there...why not show your appreciation for it by buying the T-Shirt from Jeanshorts & Baggedmilk You can buy it here. to see more shit as we draw closer to training camp. You've been warned.

Thursday, July 2, 2009

My Take On The Heatley Thing

Ok. We all need to fuck'n relax and take a step back.

Yes. Dany Heatley vetoed the deal to come to Edmonton...twice.

No. It's not because the City of Edmonton is a shit hole or he flat out hates the Oilers.

...and Yes. Baggedmilk is a god among mere mortals for his tales of debauchery form around the globe. But back to hockey talk...

The point about Heatley that I want to get out there is that We don't know the whole story. No matter what the media people say or feel..they don't know the whole story either. The only people that know are the Sens, the Oilers and Dany Heatley and his agent. So why would I judge Heatley on 3rd hand knowledge of the entire situation? The only thing I can judge him on is is ability to score fucking goals from every angle on the ice...and that's enough for me to remain in his corner...for now. Unless some hard core straight up "FUCK YOU EDMONTON" comes directly out of his that point he'll be dead to me.

My take on the whole thing...

The List:
Heatley asked for a trade and gave a list of teams that he would accept a trade to. Fine. It's his choice - he earned it and negotiated it into his contract. Stories that came out in the beginning had Edmonton as being a place on his list...then days later stories came out saying that Edmonton was NOT on his list. Reading stuff from today, it's a fair assumption that Edmonton was not, in fact, on his list at all. Given that assumption, if it was me and I had a list of places I would accept a transfer to and left my boss in charge to get the best offer for my services from one of those places... only to find that the best offer he got was from a place that wasn't on my list - I WOULD TOTALLY WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT. I wouldn't be all "Oh, ok boss...where do I sign?" I'd be more like "Edmonton? What the fuck is this shit? They weren't on my fucking list. I never even considered them as a viable option. Where is this Edmonton? Do they have women there? I need to drink on this."

Why would I want to drink on it? Well, for fuckin' 1. It wasn't on my list. 2. I would want to see if the other places on my list come up with something. Because, honestly I would go to Edmonton, but I'd rather go to any of the higher ranked cities on my list because...well, those cities were on my fucking list. It's why I had a list to begin with. It's the very nature of a LIST.

The NMC:
Just because he has a NMC and can "say" he doesn't want to play here means nothing to me in terms of "would I even want him on the Oilers after he said No?" Cuz honestly...players without NMC's have been traded to Edmonton and you can bet that at first they weren't exactly happy with the situation...Visnovsky comes to mind. He was hours away from having a NMC kicking into his contract when he got the trade call. I seem to recall his first interview as more of a "What the fuck L.A.? why?" than it was "I'm happy to be an Oiler today." Obviously he wasn't keen on the switch...and if he had the NMC active I bet 7 dollars he would have vetoed the trade as well. So to me the vetoing of the trade by Dany was more waiting to see what the other teams ON HIS LIST had to say, rather than it was about hating on the Oilers.

The Rumours of Duchebaggery and Dickheadishness:

Look. I don't give a fuck if Heatley is a complete asshole. Lots of hockey players are assholes. They get paid to play a sport, they're not always good people. In my books, they don't have to be all nicey nice when they bring something to the table like Heatley does. Duchebag or not...he scores goals and makes his linemates better. Cocksucker or not...he's a multiple time allstar and has rep'd Canada on the world stage many times. I don't care what kind of a person he is. I'm not even worried that "he'd be a cancer to the room"...cuz honestly...there might be some cancers in that room all ready. They're fuckin' hockey players, not babies. They don't need to be protected from the big, bad, mean superstar. Gimme a break. Teammates don't even have to be best friends off the ice. In fact, I would argue that some times it's best when they're not buddies off the ice...that means there's less of a chance for Baggedmilk type adventures (Read: hookers and blow).

In Summary:
I don't villify him for what's happened...I believe it all started from the Oilers not being on his list...then all of a sudden he/agent hear the Oilers have a good package...they give the go ahead to Murray to start negotiations with the Oil...thinking all the while it'll drive up interest from the team he really wants to go to (Rangers?) But all that ended up happening is that the Oilers had the most unbeatable offer and the Rangers, sensing defeat/dirty poker/them being played....said "fuck ur hat." Now we're here.

I don't pretend to think Heatley is a saint or even a good guy that I would have a beer with. But his record on the ice is proven and that is enough for me to feel that the Oilers should continue to court this guy...and for that I'm not boarding the "Hate Dany Heatley Bandwagon" just quite yet. The summer is young though...he may say something bad about Rusty or JSBM and then I'll have to throw down. Until then, I'm all for whatever it takes.

- Towel R. Boy III

Thursday, June 25, 2009


I would like to give a big huge internet high five to the fine folks over at for pimpin big.

In case you missed it, bingofuel and Gregor are movie stars now:

Not only did this small website have cool enough readership to send Gregor to Montreal to cover the draft, but they also raised a boatload of cash to go to the Stollery Children's Hospital. Way to go readers and Oilersnation peeps. Way. To. Go.

- TB

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Dream With Me For A Second

The photo above was taken from the future. It is a distant future. There's laser guns, flying cars, holograms on every corner and Dany Heatley is an Oiler. In what could be described as "the worst photoshop The Towel Boy has ever done" (above) you will see an accurate* artistic representation of this world and how it would look as Dany Heatley does his post goal flyby.

Flashback to the present:

Word came down today from the hockey megaverse central hive ( that Dany Heatley wants out of Ottawa. I don't blame him. That is one shitty team over the past couple of seasons. They went from balls out awesome to flat out titty-fucking awful over one offseason. Some of it was coaching, some of it was goaltending. I don't pretend to know why the Sens turned up the suck...maybe it was Jason Smith. But they did...and that's what lead up to the events of today.

Would Heatley want to be traded to the Oilers? I don't know...I don't even know if he has a say really. I don't think he has a no trade clause, so it would seem it's up the Brian Murray. It's not like the Oilers have been lights out the past couple of seasons either, when compared to the Sens, but here's why I think Dany Heatley would love to play for the Oilers:

1. I said so.

So there you have it. A solid argument as to why the Oilers should do everything in their power to package up a nice assortment of up-and-comers plus Rob Schremp to land Dany Heatley. Besides, it doesn't look much like Hossa is coming here this summer.

Now, back into my time machine! I was in the middle of watching the series finale of Big Brother coming up this summer when I decided to come back and post this.



Past Towel Boy writing as Present Towel Boy with information from the Future Towel Boy

*not at all accurate, pretty shitty actually

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Two Headed Coaching Monster

So, it's been a while since I've been in touch with the internet.  I've been away from my desk working on a project most of this week.  Now, imagine my surprise the other day when I get an email on my Blackberry from the Edmonton Oilers Pipeline informing me that there would be a press conference around lunch time.  Imagine more of my surpise when I don't get that email until after I happened to be at home for lunch and TSN was reporting that the mighty Pat Quinn and Tom Renney would be appointed as the Edmonton Oilers' new Coach(es).  Imagine even more of my surpise when I get an email from a buddy simply titled "DOOOOOOODE!" with the new coaching information nicely packaged within.  Now imagine even more surprises when I get a text message from yet another buddy saying "What?  No Towel Boy around today?  Who saw this coming!?!"  Now imagine you're in a large open field, with the wind gently blowing the tall grass causing it to sway slowly back and forth....woops...shit, sorry...we're done imagining now.

THIS SHIT IS REAL!!! double you tee eff!  "Two coaches!?"  "Who the fuck saw this coming!?!" I scream to myself.  

All of us interneteers that deal with the Oilers had our suspicions that Pat Quinn could possibly be named as Head Coach.  We also had our suspicions that Tom Renney could possibly be named as Head Coach.  But never and a brazillion years could any of us imagined that BOTH men would be named as coaches of our beloved hockey squadron.

The Mighty Pat Quinn will be the head honcho and Renney was named his "associate".  Pretty sweet since I would have been happy with either man being named as any kind of coach for the team.

I really like this tandem of coaching awesomeness.  Both men have excellent coaching records.  Both men have shown abilities to lead teams to winning records.  Both men are committed to icing a competitive product next season.  With two coaches they can even pull the "good cop, bad cop" routine when needed.  I'm so fuckin' PUMPED!

Now Tambo has the delightful duty of meeting with his new coaches and doing some roster tweaking over the summer.  It'll be curious to see how the roster shakes out going into training camp this fall.  Could this summer be any longer!?!?  (what?'s only May?  ...fuck.)

Signed Impatiently Yours,

The Towel Boy

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Huge Free Agency Signing

My new home?

Soooo...word came down from my agent today that I signed a multi-year, multi-million dollar deal with Jeanshorts and Baggedmilk.   I also hear that Admiral Rusty Shackleford has signed with the team as well. 

This is good stuff.  Those two fuckers over there at the JSBM Research Center and Child Day Care Home come up with some pretty crazy shit.  They scour the internet and find the stupidest/lamest/weirdest/funniest/hotest/randomest shit the internet has to offer, add a Megan Fox picture or video and then open up discussions about it.  Think of it as an internet town hall for filth and trash.  Not only do they offer up the underbelly of the internet, they also are diehard Oiler fans and are hosts to the Oiler game night internet gathering of the Bonsignore Citizens Brigade...which is a good way to bitch about the game as it goes on with fellow fans who like to swear and talk about boobs.  The best of all worlds really.

So...heads up internet citizens...this should be interesting.


Soooo...the Canucks are done.  Too bad.  Where was your ALLSTAR goaltender last night Canucks fans!??  HUH!??

Luongo lets in 7 goals.  In ONE game.  Who saw this coming!?!

P.S.  Vancouver fans:  If you want to run your goalie out of town by all means direct him towards Edmonton.  Kthanxbye.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

My New Fave Beer Commercial

Not sure why...but I find this ad for Lakeport beer absolutely fucking halarious. Good job advertising brainiacs. Good job.

The Blackberry Dude Is At It Again

Seriously...who would stand in the way
of giving this guy a franchise?

I'll tell you who:  Gary Bettman and the NHL Owners Club™.  That's who.

For some reason Jim Balsillie doesn't like to play by the rules.  Most billionaires don't.  I can't say I blame him.  If I could buy islands and small countries with the change in the ashtray of my Ferrari I'd probably have little regard for "the rules of society" as well.

But, the society of the NHL Owners Club™ is a tricky one to slither into.  From all accounts it's a bit of an Old Boys Club...and in order to get in, you HAVE to play by their rules.  They don't seem to enjoy flashy billionaires trying to circumvent the bureaucratic process, and Jim has tried to do just that on two previous occaisions. 

So, we'll see how Canada's favorite billionaire makes out this time around.  It sounds like courts would be involved and then there's the matter of whether or not a bankruptcy court has the authority to tell the NHL how to conduct its business.  This could get ugly. 

In related news...

Baggedmilk says the team will be called the Hamilton Storm...get it?  Balsillie?...Research In Motion?...Blackberry?....STORM?....I must say, that is quite clever.  I'm in. 

Signed lovingly as always,


Friday, May 1, 2009

Jaw-O-Mer Jaw-Ger

Jagr's head on Gagner's body?  Who saw this coming!?!

So, news is fluttering around the internet series of tubes and chutes the past couple of days about how much Jaromir Jagr would LOVE to play for the Edmonton Oilers.  If, of course, he wasn't already under contract in the KHL... and they made him a good offer... and he didn't have to play a starring role....and if there was less contact in the NHL.  All those minor tidbits aside, apparently he's just smitten with how much love the Oilers showed him a few months back in trying to woo him from his KHL team where he makes eleventy billion dollars a season, tax free.

I'm not sure where I stand on this whole deal.  I know that Jagr was one of my favorite players when I was 13.  I even have his rookie card in O-Pee-Chee Premier 90-91, in mint condition locked away in an acrylic card protector inside a climate controlled safe.  Ok, that last bit about a  climate controlled safe is a total lie, but the rest is true.  That card was my pride and joy when I was 15 and it still is to this day. I take it out every now and then to remind myself of how awesomely rare it is.  "Not everyone has a Jaromir Jagr rookie card in O-Pee-Chee Premier 90-91, in mint condition locked away in an acrylic card protector inside a climate controlled safe." I tell myselft when I look at it.

Gushing about sweet rookie cards aside, I think I'd be in with Jagr as an Oiler, providing they a) don't overpay his old ass.  b) don't sign him to more than a year.

I suspect those two points will be the exact opposite of what he'll be looking for along with his ticket to E-Town...but never know.  I sure could get used to seeing Jagr and Hemsky connecting like they have been at the IIHF Worlds this past week.  If you missed it....Jagr has setup both of Hemsky's goals.  I even watched the last game on a Czech feed and all I could make out was "czech czech czech Jagr czech czech czech Hemsky czech CCCCZZZZEEECCCHHHHH!!!"  It was totally sweet.

Your friend,
The Towel Boy

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Thumbs Up

President's Trophy winning Sharks...Done!


Best fucking day ever. 

Monday, April 13, 2009

Time To Stop Being Such A Grumpy Dumb Dumb

Well. I see I haven't been exactly lighting up the internet airwaves of late. After the loss to the Kings I pretty much saw my will to care about hockey dwindle away from a raging inferno to a tiny spark. I guess having your team shit the bed and miss a post season appearance for the 3rd straight year will also do that to you. Just the idea of the final two Battles of Alberta meaning absolutely jack squat sucked the life straight out of me.
But, I'm still here and the Oilers are still a team in the NHL. As long as that criteria is met, I'll be writing something.

With that in mind, I thought it'd be a great idea to give incredibly short commentary on the final media availability comments for each of the players. Let's do that, shall we?

Noteable Absenses - Souray, Stortini, Cogliano, Penner and Brodziak. Smid too!

I was pretty surprised to not hear anything from Souray...or his great hair.
Ok, that's all for now.

Towel Boy, out.

Monday, April 6, 2009

A Snowball's Chance In Hell

Things that have better chances of happening than the Oilers making the playoffs:
  1. Me getting mauled in my own back yard by a Howler monkey.

  2. The NHL decides to move the Phoenix Coyotes back to Winnipeg, writes a formal letter of appology to the fans and refunds 13 years of season ticket dollars to the Phoenix patrons who actually thought Hockey was "neat."

  3. Sex Panther™ fragrance for men. 60% of the time, it works every the time.

  4. Jeanshorts hooks up with Evanka Osmak.

  5. Dwayne Roloson hat trick.

  6. Tom Gilbert goes on a shopping trip and buys shoes that don't match his top.

  7. Tavares decides hockey isn't for him and takes up professional lawn bowling.

  8. Wanye Gretz switches from Bud Light to Big Bear.

  9. I wake up one morning to discover my pillow is actually I skip breakfast.

  10. MacT resigns or is "restructured" out of a job.

What I'm saying is, people...the Oilers are basically fucked. The sheer minute probability that 2 of the 4 teams in front of them in the playoff race blow it and the Oilers finish off the season with three wins is so miniscule I can't even describe it. But you didn't need me to tell you that. I just need to put something up on my blog to keep my editor happy.

Thanks for reading,

The Towel Boy

Friday, April 3, 2009

Stauffer Gets His PeePee Slapped

So, I'm sitting at my buddie's place last night mostly losing at poker.  I'm in an entire room full of Flames fans too, I might add.  The TV showing the Oiler game is on in the background but there's no audio.  No audio cuz they don't care about the Oilers like I do.  They just want something manly on in the background while poker is being played.  

So anyways, imagine my surprise when the game is over and I look up and see President of Whatever Operations, Kevin Lowe, speaking to the media in the place where MacT normally holds his post game presser.

With no audio I was left to my wild imagination to decipher what K Lowe could have possible been talking about.  Many things flew through my brain.  Did they fire MacT?  Ok...that was the only thing I could come up with at the time.

So I covertly hopped on my blackberry and checked out Twitter...only to discover a tweet from Dan Tancer saying something about Bob Stauffer getting a text message from Bruce Wayne himself saying something to the effect of "MacTavish is going nowhere."

Ohhhhhhhhhh.....this was getting juicy, I said to myself...and then went ALL IN.  It paid off big...I got the flush card on the river!  The whole time I was raking in my freshly won pot, and chuckling at the demise of two of my opponents, I could only think of how pissed off DK must have been to take the time to slap Stuaffer's weiner. 

I can sort of see Daryl Katz's anger.  Imagine yourself as Daryl Katz.  You're in your beautiful car, driving with your beautiful wife to the hallowed grounds that are Rexall Place; a place of worship which shares the namesake of your vast pharmacutical empire.  Life is good.  You turn on the Mark Levinson sound system in your whip and tune in to the radio station that covers your beloved hockey team.  You want to hear pregame stuff that will give you insight as to how the forthcoming game is going to shake out.... stuff like which direction the zambonis went around the rink, who is in the lineup and who's out, comments from players and coaches on what will be needed to eek out a win....stuff like that .  Fluffy things that make you feel excited to get to the rink get to watchin'.   Only thing don't hear that.  You hear the guy you basically pay to cover your team raggin' on the coach and reporting his inevitable demise.   You say to yourself..."Sweet merciful crap!" and you hop on your phone and fire off a short, but effective, text message to the guy talking trash about your coach.  You can do that cuz you're Daryl fucking Katz.

Now, I'm sure Bob Stuaffer doesn't normally give a shit what anyone thinks of him or what he says....but I suspect there's one dude that can make Bob pucker, and that is The Man himself.  And when The Man personally sends you a curt text message dispelling everything you just spent the last 10 minutes talking about.  You go "oh....shit...boss is mad."

Now, I gotta say...I may not exactly think MacT is the coach of the Oilers' future.  But I also have to say, I don't think we can do much better.  I believe most of the issues this team has are with the on ice personnel.  If I was to go along with firing MacT it would be because sometimes change is good, but I don't think Craig is a bad coach.  This year didn't shake out as planned, but sometimes that happens.  Jason Gregor over at has stated that he believes if MacT leaves, it will be because he resigns and not because he gets fired.  I have to agree, especially now that I know where Katz stands.

Either way, it should make for an interesting summer.  Either because of trades that will inevitably happen, or because MacT throws in the towel.

I have to say also, the season's not over yet...they're not mathematically out.  I'm still hopin' and prayin. ...but I will doesn't look good.  They did show good fire last night though.  Good fire against the best team in the league and they almost got it.  I'm sure Kotalik would like 3 or 4 of his scoring chances/posts back.  Oh well.  On to the next game.

Over and out,

Towel Boy

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

That Didn't Go As Planned

Sooo...yaaa....right. ...I've got nothing much to say, except that they're not mathematically eliminated yet.  But honestly...even a run of the table in the final games doesn't guarantee squat. So, while I don't like their odds...they're not completely done yet.

I will say this; I thought MacT looked like a hero for putting Zach Stortini out as the extra attacker when he pulled Rollie.  That gamble paid off big time as Zach Attack made a sweet deflection to get the Oilers within one.  Of all the players he could have chosen...he picked old Zack Attack.  Speaks volumes for Stortini's play of late...and not so much for some other so called "talented" players.

...and then the stick measurement call happened...

While the timing for a bad outcome on that call wasn't the best, I believe MacT was 100% sure it was going to go their way, otherwise he wouldn't have made the call.  He acted on what he thought was accurate information and it didn't work out.  Shit happens.  Neidermeyer even admitted after the game that Selanne's stick probably wasn't legal prior to the game and that he was "glad he took care of it before the game."  It still doesn't take the sting away though.

Now it's on to the Sharks.  That should be a guaranteed win.  Right?  I mean the Oilers are behind the 8 ball now.  The collective hockey world has written them off.  That's how they like it.  This "come from behind when you're down and out" scenario is getting pretty old here in Oil Country.  But whatever,  I'm still in it for the long haul...I have to believe they can do it....what else can I do?  I'm too much of a fan and will be until the bitter end.

Now, anyone have some glue?  I've got some broken stuff I need to put back together.

Truly yours,

The Towel Boy

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

The Willingness To Get Your Hands Dirty

Net Front Presents?

The image above is from the game the other night.  Look at those netfront presents!  It was one of the few times I recall during the game where the Oiler players actually drove to the net looking for garbage.  Great work down low by Hemmer to shovel it out front, Horcoff got a rebound and tried to hammer it home.  Players were shoved all over the place, people were flying into the crease and out of the crease...even Backstrom was shoved into his net from the sheer netfront presence in front of him.  In short...the Oilers mucked it up in front of the net and almost got a puck in the net for it.  It appears to be something that lacks on a consistent basis this year with my beloved squadron.

Penner seems to bee one of the few guys that actually stands in front of the net...mostly on the powerplay, mind you, and mostly because he is told to, but he's there!  I was watching specifically the other night for the Oilers to employ something different in their offensive zone tactics.  Most of the season they seem to think that carrying the puck in the zone and firing the puck around or thru the defender from the half boards, hoping for a rebound, is going to generate a lot of chances.  Well, it mostly hasn't.  Either the half board "skilled player"loses the puck and turns it over or the shot is never taken and the play ends up going the other way with nothing to show for it.  The few times a shot does get thru, nobody is driving to the net to mop up...there's not traffic in front.  It's very frustrating.

Another thing....there's very little retained puck possession in the offensive zone for what ever reason.  Lack of willingness to compete along the boards?  Players that think they can stick handle their way out of anything?  A few cases of Individualitis which leads to lack of team play?A lack of desire to get their hands dirty?  I don't know what it is but the majority of Oiler shots seem to come from the perimeter.

So, that being said?  What do I want to see from the Oilers this evening vs. the Ducks?  Well...throw some fucking hits for one.  I wanna see more of JF Jaques hits that lead to Brodziak shots from high slot with Stortini's ugly mug right on top of the crease.  That's the kind of shit I wanna see tonight.  Play physical!  I don't wanna see (insert skilled forward name here) skate thru the neutral zone, fake slap shot, button hook outside, attempt cross ice pass just inside zone and have the pass intercepted and give up an odd man rush the other way.  I don't wanna see the shit.  I see enough of it watching the Oilers lately.

I also wanna see more images like the picture up there.  Bodies flying towards/in/out/on the net.  I wanna see some gritty playoff hockey where one of our players would put a puck in with his teeth if it meant the Win.  I wanna see the players look and play like they give a shit.  I want them to give me a reason to cheer.

That brings me to my other rant...Yesterday Dan Tencer's blog had an audio clip mixing audio memories of the '06 cup run with interjected pleas of mercy from Gilbert, Grebs, Gags, Struds and Horc.  They all wanted the fans to know that they need our support during the homestand.  They want us to cheer loudly and not boo them.  They want us to know that we give them motivation to play.   Well for fuck sakes.  I don't know why, but that rubbed me the wrong way.  Especially when Horcoff said "fans don't realize..."....  What the fuck do you mean Horcoff?  We realize you're not exactly mopping the floor with your oposition lately.  We realize you, Mr. Horcoff, are practically invisible during the game lately.  We realize you wiff on shots and passes.  We realize you are about to be the highest paid mook on the team next year.  We realize lots.  You need to realize that YOU need to play like you want it and the fans will get behind you.  Until then, expect us to be skeptical of your abilities and desire to win games with whatever it takes.  Give us a fucking reason to get behind you.  God dammit.

Ok... Now, I'm willing to put this rant behind me tonight and ravage a case of Bud Light while watching the game.  I'll cheer loudly and yell at my TV.  I'll even support Horcoff and his bid to get motivated.  I am a fan...always will be...always have been.  I just don't like you questioning my ability to support the team, Mr. Horcoff.  Now...go out there tonight and please play like you give a fuck.  Give me a reason to be happy again.


The Towel Boy

Friday, March 27, 2009

They Killed The Baby Ewoks

Welp.  Looks like the baby Ewoks died for nothing.

...They play the Ducks tonight....I've got nothing to say right now.

TB, out.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Oilers at Endor vs. The Evil Galactic Empire

Allow me to nerd out for a moment...

If the Oiler season could be a story arc of sorts, and one could compare that story arc to one of the greatest double trilogies of all time - "Star Wars"....this would be the point of the story in "Return of the Jedi" where we await to see if Han Solo can successfully disable the shield generator on Endor...with the help of the Ewoks, of course.

It's the moment where you think all hope is lost. The empire has seemingly won. The Ewoks are dying. The sad music is playing. Luke is about to get his ass tazed by the Emperor. It's basically as shitty as you can think it can get. Much like where some think the Oilers are right now in their season.

But you know what? You know who had hope? You know who Mr. Positive was? It was Han's old buddy Lando. Lando Calrissian. Lando believed in his heart that Han would get that shield generator down. But there was another believer. That believer was a five year old me. I believed Lando was indeed correct and Han would get that generator down. Why? Cuz even though I was five...I knew the story would suck if Han didn't do his job. The baby Ewoks would have died for nothing. Even a five year old knows baby Ewoks dying for nothing doesn't make good cinema.

I look at this next game coming up in Phoenix tommorrow night as the battle on Endor for control of the shield generator. The shield generator is, of course, a playoff spot and the Oilers are Han Solo. The happy ending all hinges on whether or not they do their job. If they wanna blow up the Death Star (win the Cup)...they need to win this pivotal battle to get there. Han didn't let the baby Ewoks die for nothing and I hope the Oilers have the same morals. Come on Oilers, do it for the baby Ewoks. With their cute little black beady eyes and fluffy fur. Do it for them! Let's get that generator down so we can blow up that Death Star!

/end nerdness.

What does all this Star Wars talk at all have to do with the Dessert Dog up there?  Absolutely nothing...but thanks for reading.

Your Pal,

The Towel Boy
Jedi Master

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Oiler Cats vs. Red Wings...mrraawwr!

How totally awesome is that picture? What would the world be like without google image search? Crazy to think there was a time where google image searching didn't exist.

Allow myself to start with an old joke...stop me if you've heard this...oh wait, you can' it, bitch! (That was a bit harsh...wasn't it?-ed.)

The Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey in the new American sponsored league, and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US .

Ken Holland signs him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the preseason.

Two weeks later the Wings are down 4-0 to the Blackhawks with only 10
minutes left. Mike Babcock gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Wings! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media love the new star.

When the player comes off the ice he phones his mom to tell her about his first day of NHL hockey. "Hello mom, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent.
"I played for 10 minutes today, we were 4-0 down, but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me."

"Wonderful," says his mom, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."

The young Iraqi is very upset. "What can I say mom, but I'm so sorry."

"Sorry? You're Sorry? !!" says his mom, "It's your fault we moved to Detroit in the first place!"

Now Click Here that we got that groaner out of the way....on to the more important things...liiiiike:

How the hell did we thrash the Avs and come out on top of the Hawks on our roadtrip, but couldn't score a damn goal in Minnie on Sunday? Man. I was hoping to go 2 for 3 on the trip, and I pegged the Hawks game for a loss and hoped for a win against the Wild. It's still the same amount of points earned in the standings...but at least my way the Oil would have stuck it to the Wild-who are chasing us in the standings, far too uncomfortably close I might add. Oh well. I guess it was still a pretty good road trip, all things considered. The Oilers are still in a death grip* of 7th place in the West.

The Redwings come into RX1 tonight. Not sure how I feel about that exactly. I do know the Oilers haven't faired well against the RougeWings this season. Let's see....4-0, 4-3, and 8-3....all losses for the mighty Oil. From a statistical standpoint it's fair to say, judging from the historical final score data noted prior, that the RedWings will likely score a number of goals evenly divisible by 2...and the Oilers will lose. That's what a statististishun would say**...but being that I have no knowledge of statistics and can only rely on my blind optimism as a hard core Oilers nut...I say the Oilers win this game tonight and stick it to the RedWings a la Cup Run 2006. The Oilers are in "Take no prisoners" mode and proved that prior games in the season series mean jack squat by beating the Blackhawks on Friday night...a team that, previous to the last game, had their way with the Oil.
I predict 4-2 Oilers.
Towel Boy, out.
*perilously teetering on the brink of disaster
**no, probably tool.

Thursday, March 19, 2009


Sam Gagner:

3 Goals. 1 Assist. First career hatty. 8 points in the last 5 games.

Jesus H. Christ, that was AWESOME! What a great time to bust that sophmore slump.

I still don't really know what just happened...but I love it. Who saw this coming!?!

On to Chicago boys!!

Towel Boy

Wednesday, March 18, 2009


Hokay. The Oilers finally got that monkey off their backs and won a game in OT against the Blues. It was a badly needed win and so too was the extra point in the standings. I would have rather seen the Blues not get ANY points...but...whatever. I'll take it.

Great news! The Oilers head off on a gut check type of road trip with three games in four nights against the Avs, Hawks and Wild. There's even an awesome back to backer in there for good measure. Oh, and an afternoon game in Minnesota to sweeten the pot. in the hell is this at all good news for the Oilers?

...yeah...I've got nothing either.

I just don't know how it's all gonna turn out...but I think the one game we SHOULD win for sure would be against the Avs. The Oil should be well rested and they actually won the last time they played in Colorado...oh, and the Avs suck. After that, it's a crap shoot. Chicago has had our number all season and, I'm too lazy to look it up, I can't remember the last time we won in an afternoon game none the ..."yay" on that front.

Well...I've got no choice but to go into this with a "They can do it!" attitude and cheer them on in full force...with full beers. I'll do my part. Oilers, you better do yours!


With love,

yoB lewoT

Monday, March 16, 2009


K, so I'm sitting here trying to think of something positive to pry out of this sich-yay-shun the Oilers find themselves in of late.  Let's take a look...

The Negatives:
The PP sucks.  The PK sucks.  Three straight OT losses.  Hemsky isn't scoring.   Teams that are far below us in the standings seem to find ways to beat us.  It's friggin' cold and snowy in March.  Life seems to suck right now in Oil Country.

The Positives:
OMG!!!1!! moment:  I was staring at the standings waiting for something to jump out at me...and I quickly noticed the Oilers' startling inability to win in regulation has lead to the startling inability to win in OT as well.  Eureeka!  That's it!  This is the positive I've been looking for!  The wonderful LOSER POINT!  Five points in our last 10 from just gettin' er to OT.  Sweet baby jesus, whoda thought losing could somehow be a positive?  The Oilers are still in a play off spot cuz of it.  Another positve?  The Wild, Ducks and Stars, whom the Oilers are in a dog fight with for a ticket to the dance, all have less points in their last 10 games.  The other teams in the mix being, Nashville, Columbus and St. Louis have gathered more points in the last 10...but they're not running away with it either:

Vancouver 81 15
Columbus 78 12
Dallas 74 9
Edmonton 73 11
Nashville 73 15
St. Louis 72 14
Minnesota 72 7
Anaheim 70 9

Yes, due to pitty points, the Oilers have eeked out 11 points in their last 10 games.  It's enough to stay in the mix, for now.   Who saw this coming!?!   By most standards this sort of record isn't great...mediocrity often isn't great by its very definition, but it could be much worse.   We could be Minnesota.  We could be Anaheim.   We could even be Dallas.   It would suck to be Dallas, but they have those sweet "Ice Girls".  Only in Texas could they somehow find a way to make cheerleaders part of hockey.  I love it.  Moving on...

Anyways, yes the team has issues, no question.  Maybe they'll make it, maybe they won't...but HOPEFULLY they can get their shit together real fast and hand it to St. Louis tomorrow night down at the Pharmacy.  Enough of this mediocrity...get to the winnin' already...and DON'T GO TO OT!

I still think this smells like '06.  Just sayin...


Towel Boy

Friday, March 13, 2009


Marty Fucking Reasoner?

*places head in palm of hands...weeps uncontrollably*

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Ilya Kovalchuk To Edmonton (E5)

No lie. Ilya is coming to Edmonton tomorrow night. He's coming with his Atlanta Thrashers in tow to play a hockey match against the Mighty Oilers. I should mention here that he's coming in with his team on a 3 game winning streak and he's also coming in with 12 points in his last 5 games. Great. Just great.

Imagine the scene above, played out 45 to 50 plus times next season: The post goal bench flyby. Imagine your jubilation. Imagine your pride. Imagine Ilya Kovalchuk as an Edmonton Oiler.

*sigh...stares longinly into image dreaming of what could be*

Yes. I want to see Ilya Kovalchuk in Oiler silks next season. It's possible. He is a UFA next summer. If things go south, the Oilers will probably be looking to restructure their salary commitments somewhat and would likely love to find room for a Kovalchukian type of guy. I'm sure the Thrashers would love to resign him too and will probably do everything in their power to do so. Let's just hope Katz does a good sell job on him this summer and seals the deal with rides in his private jet, Rexall One.

I would like to think that if the Oilers strike out with Hossa this summer, they'll likely be looking to add a top gun of some sort to please fans like me who like flashy goal scorers. Ilya is exactly that: flashy, shiny, Russiany and goal dream of what could be.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Oh that's fucking lame!

What the fucking hell just happened?!?
I honestly thought the Oilers were gonna blow thru this game.

After two periods they Oil were massively out hustling, out shooting, out chancing, and generally out awesoming the Habs.

Then the 3rd period happened.

Then OT.

Then a penalty by the new kid.



The Oilers can't let this business about Bob Gainey stepping behind the bench get into their heads when they visit the Bell Centre tonight.  MacT should pay no attention for real...he's safe.  Right?

For the second time in three seasons, Bob's back.  He decided that the shit show Carbo has been running isn't good enough to guarantee a playoff birth this spring.  I guess he thinks he can do better.  I guess the pressure is on to make the dance in the 100th season of the Habs.  

I don't know, maybe he can make it happen.  Maybe Guy just quit.  Maybe the players quit on Guy.  All I know is that coach firings are anyone's guess as to how the team will respond.  My guess is they'll come out swinging.  But like I said...the Oilers can't let this business of Gainey taking over interfere with THEIR compete level.  They need to bring it.

This is the same team that the Oilers mopped the floor with about a month ago putting up a nice healthy 7-2 win.  The Oilers need to channel those memories into this evening's affair and continue the moppage of the Habs in the season series.  The Oilers need wins badly if they want to make the post season.  Both teams have something to prove in that regard, so it should be a feisty affair.

Sounds like B.D.P. (Big Dustin Penner) sits tonight and Row-bert Neelson will draw back into the lineup after sitting and watching from the rafters for four games.  MacT says he can't wait anymore for BDP to get his shit together and, with Bobby heading back in the lineup, there's no room with the newly added depth for everyone.  So BDP sits.  

There's a good back and fourth started by Jonathan Willis over at about the surprising merits of BDP on the top line.  It's a good read.  It pretty much boils down to "yeah, BDP isn't the fastest moving guy, he's not the skinniest, and he's not the biggest producer...but he's probably the best option on the top line given what else we've got."  Who saw that coming!?!

Current odds out there on the internets have the Oilers at a 55.2% chance of making the playoffs.  It could go up as high as 70% after tonight if the following longshot happens:

  1. The Oilers win.
  2. The Caps beat the Preds.
  3. The B's beat the BJ's.
  4. The Sharks beat the Wild.
  5. The Blues beat the Stars.
So yeah...if those five events take place tonight.  Big gains in the Odds tonight.  Yeah, I know...good luck right?  Yah.  Nothing better than relying on other teams to improve your playoff hopes.

On a side note:  I wouldn't be too disappointed if somebody decided to cream Plekanic tonight...if you recall it was he who decided to be a dirty shithead and sloughfoot Grebs into the end boards in their meeting at RX1 last month. 




Robert R. TowelBoy

Saturday, March 7, 2009

HNIC Prime Time vs. The Leaf Blowers

Hockey Night In Canada. The first game of the Saturday night double header is versus the Leafs with a tight playoff race on the line.

It doesn't get any bigger than this. ...Until next game. But for now, this is huge.

The Oilers showed up in the "Nation's Capital" on Thursday and proceeded to bring the suck. The new parts acquired at the deadline looked tired and the team didn't seem to have any umph. Gagner played a pretty good game all by himself. Everyone else took the night off.

Moving forward to this evening, I expect an up tempo, physical game from the Oilers. I expect the Leafs to suck. I expect Hemsky, Horcoff and Souray to find the score sheet finally after quite a number of games of being fairly invisible. I expect hits, forechecks, backchecks, passes and goals. I expect good hockey. I expect explosions, lasers, fog, holograms and face melting guitar solos too.

Ok Oilers and Leafs...Entertain me.

Lovingly yours,

The Towel Boy

Friday, March 6, 2009

Well for fuck sakes

Twelve seconds into the game last night I knew I was about to witness a piece of shit hockey game.

I don't know what it is with the Oilers these days, but these so called "must win" games down the stretch here don't look like much of a big deal to most of the team.

Lazy plays, lazy players, indifferent looking superstars and all around general bone headed plays are killing this team lately.  A complete lack of effort on the part of some players.

I wanna see some god damned PLAYOFF INTENSITY FROM HERE ON OUT!   DAMMIT!

The kind of intensity that people lose 5 teeth from an errant clearing attempt and come back after getting a few stitches to set up the game winner.  The kind of intensity that causes your Captain to play with dislocated shoulders.  The kind of intensity that causes pucks to enter the opposition's net by sheer fear.  The kind of intensity that takes you deep into the playoffs.  

Leave it all out on the ice type of shit.

Rollie seems to be the only player that is consistently playing at this level lately.  The rest of the team seems to be invisible one game and there the next.  Except for Sam Gagner over the past few games.  Quite solid.

Gagner played his wee little heart out again last night.  He was all over the ice.  Banging, crashing, scoring, passing, preparing donairs for Penner and generally being the little buzz saw we hoped he'd be out of the gates this season.

MacT didn't sound terribly impressed with most of his defensive core in the post game comments last night.  In fact, it was probably one of the few times this season where he didn't try and spin the game to sound like it was better than it was.  There was no "Well, I thought we played good, we got a lot of good looks at the net."  There was no "The score wasn't indicative of how well we played."  No...just MacT calling out his defense and looking generally pissed off at most of his team.  

GOOD!  Now maybe something will happen to kickstart this team into playoff mode.

One can only hope.

Towel Boy, out.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Trade Deadline Day Hangover head hurts.

Ok.  So the trade deadline came and went.  It looked like it was shaping up to be a deadline where the Oiler brass would sit on their hands and not get anything done.  I had my fire and venom blog almost completely written when about 20 minutes after the deadline passed, word came down that the Oilers had possibly made a trade.

I says "Pardon?"

*deletes venomous blog*

With my ears glued to the Tradecenter broadcast from TSN I impatiently waited, for what seemed like an eternity, to find out what the hell the Oilers had actually done.  News slowly started to trickle in...and It was confusing.

"The Oilers have completed a trade with Carolina"  was the first word we received.

...oookkk....  Robin Brownlee over at had mentioned a couple weeks ago that if the Oilers traded Erik Cole, Carolina would probably be their dance partner.

"The Oilers have traded with Carolina, for Patrick O'sullivan" was the second words we received.

.....oookkk....  But O'sullivan doesn't play for them.  What the fuck TSN?  Gord Miller, are you on the sauce again?

"Ok, the Kings have made a deal with Carolina for Justin Williams for Patrick O'sullivan."

...oooKKK!....It became clear, at that point, that the Oilers, Kings and Hurricanes got down and dirty with some raunchy 3 way action!


But wait...what'd we give up?  Not Erik Cole...Not Erik Cole...NOT ERICK was Erik Cole.

I liked Cole.  I thought he was just starting to hit his stride with the team.  He was looking good over the past few weeks and had a helluva game in Nashville the other night.  But in this crazy, 
salary capped NHL, it all comes down to asset management and with Cole being a UFA this summer, Tambo couldn't risk the chance that Cole would walk and the Oilers would be left with nothing but a nice parting handshake.  So, I GUESS...from that standpoint, the deal is alright.  We also got a 2nd round pick in the deal.  Not bad.  Not bad at all.

But wait...what was this?  ANOTHER deal had happened with the Mighty Oil?  Jesus guys, it's like 30 minutes past the deadline?  I waited impatiently once again to find out what the hell happened.

Turns out Tambo struck a deal with the Sabres to bring Ales Kotalik over for a 2nd round pick.  Ohhhhhhhhh....but wait........I thought the Sabres brass absolutely hated everything about the Oilers and would do anything in their powers to fuck us over cuz of the whole "Vanek Offer" sheet debacle in the summer of '07.  I guess they burried the hatchet, or simply wanted to do the deal cuz they needed to shed salary from roster to give some breathing room after the Tim Conolly extension they inked earlier in the day - plus they wouldn't have to deal with Kevin Lowe.  Either that, or Tambo is a smooth operator and had Darcy Regier eating out of the palm of his hands.  I like to think the the latter.  Honestly - WHO SAW THIS COMING!?!

Wow, guys, sexy pictures.  I hope you play hockey like you look in pictures.

So far, this season is like shades of ‘06.  The team is kinda floundering, hovering around the last playoff spot. People are calling for MacT’s head on a plate. The team is maybe somewhat lost in the weeds, some players aren’t playing up to their contracts… and then the trade deadline comes along. We pick up some somewhat fringe players that are kinda noteworthy, but not superstars, basically throw some duct tape on the roster and head on down the stretch. All of a sudden the playoffs arrive and our team is playing the best hockey we’ve seen them play in years and voila…SCF.
Let's hope history has a way of repeating itself.

Towel Boy signing off from the TBHQ Tradecenter HQ Headquarters Center and Conference Center, Toronto

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Ohhhhh MAN!

Trade deadline day! W00t w00T!

I just don't know what the Oilers are gonna do today. I'd like to think Bobby Nilsson is gonna have a new address after today...but I just don't know what Tamb-lowe-lini are gonna do today.

*crosses fingers for something good*

TB, out.