Wednesday, October 7, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Well well well. What the hell do we have here? Am I mistaken?... or is tonight the season opener for the Edmonton Oilers? You're god damn right it is! I sure hope Khabibulin is drinking lots of water. We don't need our new/old goalie getting dehydrated and having to leave the game between the second and third periods. Do we?
This has been the longest day ever. I woke up this morning around 7 am...as I am normally prone to do. Reason: My kid tends to wake up between 6:30 and 7:00 am every day, which is awesome. I get to live every day to the fullest extent possible, regardless of the state of my hangover. Ahh, the joys of parenthood. You see...some of you may not know...but I am the proud father of a 2 year old girl. (Yeah...I know hey? I barely have the mental maturity of a 12 year old...let alone an adult that could parent offspring ...and have it survice to the age of Two.)
What a darling eh? How do you suppose she knows to what team to cheer for? I swear I've never told her ANYTHING about the Oilers. Ever. She doesn't even know what hockey is.
"But...umm...TB...I hear you in that video telling her what to say."
Well....then....I suggest you get your hearing checked...because I've reviewed this video multiple times and I can't hear anything but a cute kid cheering for her favorite hockey team. My guess is that through some miracle of genetics, she knows that the Oilers are awesome and she must cheer for them to ensure the survival of her species. That's just my guess.
Game Day Bitches!!! The Oilers are playing host to those farm animal lovin' cowpokes from down south this evening. It should be a spirited affair, as always. I'm anxious to see how the Oilers play tonight because the Flames have already played a regular season game. For that reason, I hope the Oilers don't come out flat and I hope they bring it from the second the puck is dropped.
The Flames looked pretty good against the Canucks the other night. They stormed out of the gates and had the Canucks on their heels for 2/3 of the game. The third period was all Vancouver...but the shock and awe technique employed by the Flames in the first two periods was enough to build a lead and weather the storm for the third.
The Oilers need to play a full 60 mintues tonight. They were guilty of playing partial games last season. I don't recall very many games last season where the Oilers stormed out of the gates and kept rolling through to the final buzzer. I sure hope that is one aspect the Oilers work on this season.
I expect the 4th line tonight to be the money maker. I think the combo of Moreau, Gagner and Stortini is a good mix of grit, hard work and skill. It should fare well against the Flames.
That brings me to a final thought: I like these line combos that Quinn and his 332 coaches have thought up. I like the idea of a balanced attack. I mean, sure you could have ONE really potent line...but then you sacrifice the other lines to be chock full of muckers and ham n' eggers. I like the idea of mixing a bit of skill with a bit of hard work....it's a departure from the Mactavish days where we had lines of skill, lines of defensive forwards, lines of muckers and lines of grinders. You knew when the bottom two lines were out on the ice that the chance of scoring a goal was pretty much nil. This way any line has a good chance of potting some G's at any point.
...sounds good in theory...doesn't it?
...what the hell do I know. I just hope it works.
Game time is 8:00pm MST. CBC.
LET'S DOOOOO THIS !!! !!11!
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Friday, September 4, 2009
Jeanshorts posted an interesting video link the other day of our old pal Zack Stortini hanging out with some game nerd playing the upcoming NHL10 while discussing the finer points of hockey: fighting and being a pest in the NHL.
I am so bloody pumped about the upcoming latest release of arguably one of the best sports games ever created. So pumped that I whipped out my photochop machine, input a few 1's and 0's and had the machine put Zack Attack on the cover. Why? Cuz Zack Attack is quickly entrenching himself in Oiler fan psyche as a player that bleeds copper and blue. He's like a regular Joe that doesn't possess any amazing talents and has to work extra hard for every minute ice time. He's not a whiny superstar jerk (Read: Dany Heatley) and I think that's why he's so easy to root for.
I don't know if you watch as much Oiler website video as I do, but I can tell you that this summer has been the Zack Stortini show. Between boatloads of public appearances, charity work, fishing, picking garbage and helping old ladies cross the street, Zack has been the Oilers' PR go to guy. I'm 100% positive he does it because he wants to, not because he has to. But that's the type of stuff that wins over fans. He's chosen to stay in Edmonton for the off season and make the city his home. You gotta respect that.
I like Zack Attack. He just seems like such a down to earth guy. He's seems thoughtful and respectful off the ice. On the ice I'm sure he's a bit of a mouthpiece. But that's his game, and say what you will about his fighting style, he backs it up. He's been amping up his off season training regiment and training with one of the best NHL fighters in George Laraque. I think Zack is going to have a wonderful season in both fisticuffs and points and settle into a nice actual full time gig in the nightly Oiler lineup.
The season is just around the corner! I can't wait.
P.S. If there is any takers in the world of PS3 that want to have their asses handed to them in NHL'10 when it comes out...friend me... Cooked_Electron is the name. You've been warned.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Ok...so I know I've been a little slack around here lately. It's summer. What do you want from me? This is primarily an Oiler related blog and there hasn't been much exciting Oiler related news for me to force on to you my opinions of said news.
Aside from this whole "douche bag" thing (read: Dany Heatley) this summer, there hasn't been much excitement from 'ol Tambo and his crew.
It looks, by all accounts, that the Oil will be going into training camp with virtually the same roster as last season. Of course a new/old goalie is in net and we no longer have the services of Kyle Brodziak. But aside from that, we can expect the same group of guys to lace'em up for the Mighty Oil. There is still time for Tambo to make a trade or two. We'll see. But chances are good that the roster will remain unchanged.
I think this year is going to be different with this group though. Last summer heading into training camp we (the fans, the media, the coach) had high expectations of this team. We all know how that turned out. But if there's one thing the Oilers know how to do - it's how to not live up to expectations. Whether that means sucking when expectations are high or playing lights out when expectations are low is anyone's guess. This team has shown tenancies to do both.
This year is different for me because I almost don't care about the tiny details. I don't care if Hemsky gets 90 pts. I don't care if Sam Gagner plays the first half of the season like he typically plays the second half. I don't care if Souray's shoulder explodes. I don't care if Lubo's shoulder is healed. I don't care if Horcoff buries feeds from Hemsky or whiffs on them. I don't care if the Oilers get blown out 10-2. All I care about, from the bottom of my heart, is that the Oilers somehow, some way MAKE THE FUCKING PLAYOFFS. I don't care about the details of how they do it...I just want it done. I'm so tired of not caring much about hockey after the regular season is over.
It's been three summers of playoff hockey with zero Oiler content. I can't take another. I need a reason to damage my liver...other than "hey, it's Monday night!"
Oh, and if you dig the picture up there...why not show your appreciation for it by buying the T-Shirt from Jeanshorts & Baggedmilk You can buy it here.
Alright...now...expect to see more shit as we draw closer to training camp. You've been warned.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
I would like to give a big huge internet high five to the fine folks over at Oilersnation.com for pimpin big.
In case you missed it, bingofuel and Gregor are movie stars now:
Not only did this small website have cool enough readership to send Gregor to Montreal to cover the draft, but they also raised a boatload of cash to go to the Stollery Children's Hospital. Way to go readers and Oilersnation peeps. Way. To. Go.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Word came down today from the hockey megaverse central hive (tsn.ca) that Dany Heatley wants out of Ottawa. I don't blame him. That is one shitty team over the past couple of seasons. They went from balls out awesome to flat out titty-fucking awful over one offseason. Some of it was coaching, some of it was goaltending. I don't pretend to know why the Sens turned up the suck...maybe it was Jason Smith. But they did...and that's what lead up to the events of today.
1. I said so.
Past Towel Boy writing as Present Towel Boy with information from the Future Towel Boy
Thursday, May 28, 2009
THIS SHIT IS REAL!!!
Yeah...so double you tee eff! "Two coaches!?" "Who the fuck saw this coming!?!" I scream to myself.
Now Tambo has the delightful duty of meeting with his new coaches and doing some roster tweaking over the summer. It'll be curious to see how the roster shakes out going into training camp this fall. Could this summer be any longer!?!? (what?...it's only May? ...fuck.)
The Towel Boy
Monday, May 25, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Soooo...the Canucks are done. Too bad. Where was your ALLSTAR goaltender last night Canucks fans!?? HUH!??
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
of giving this guy a franchise?
For some reason Jim Balsillie doesn't like to play by the rules. Most billionaires don't. I can't say I blame him. If I could buy islands and small countries with the change in the ashtray of my Ferrari I'd probably have little regard for "the rules of society" as well.
But, the society of the NHL Owners Club™ is a tricky one to slither into. From all accounts it's a bit of an Old Boys Club...and in order to get in, you HAVE to play by their rules. They don't seem to enjoy flashy billionaires trying to circumvent the bureaucratic process, and Jim has tried to do just that on two previous occaisions.
Friday, May 1, 2009
Gushing about sweet rookie cards aside, I think I'd be in with Jagr as an Oiler, providing they a) don't overpay his old ass. b) don't sign him to more than a year.
I suspect those two points will be the exact opposite of what he'll be looking for along with his ticket to E-Town...but hey....you never know. I sure could get used to seeing Jagr and Hemsky connecting like they have been at the IIHF Worlds this past week. If you missed it....Jagr has setup both of Hemsky's goals. I even watched the last game on a Czech feed and all I could make out was "czech czech czech Jagr czech czech czech Hemsky czech CCCCZZZZEEECCCHHHHH!!!" It was totally sweet.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Monday, April 13, 2009
With that in mind, I thought it'd be a great idea to give incredibly short commentary on the final media availability comments for each of the players. Let's do that, shall we?
- MacT - Looked/sounded/acted like he got kicked in the junk.
- Hemsky - Confused.
- Horcoff - Diplomatic - as always.
- Moreau - Huge Pupil.
- Staios - Worried.
- Grebeshkov - Disappointed.
- Gilbert - New Shoes.
- O'Sullivan - "It was difficult."
- Roloson - Positive...and old.
- Reddox - 12 years old.
- Macintyre - Happy just to be there.
- Nilsson - I don't think he gets it.
- Gagner - Sophmore slump OVER. No, for real - he gets it now.
- Visnovsky - Healing. Loves his team.
- Jacques - Wait...why did they interview him? Didn't he play like 7 games?
- Strudwick - Happy just to be there.
Noteable Absenses - Souray, Stortini, Cogliano, Penner and Brodziak. Smid too!
Towel Boy, out.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
- Me getting mauled in my own back yard by a Howler monkey.
- The NHL decides to move the Phoenix Coyotes back to Winnipeg, writes a formal letter of appology to the fans and refunds 13 years of season ticket dollars to the Phoenix patrons who actually thought Hockey was "neat."
- Sex Panther™ fragrance for men. 60% of the time, it works every the time.
- Jeanshorts hooks up with Evanka Osmak.
- Dwayne Roloson hat trick.
- Tom Gilbert goes on a shopping trip and buys shoes that don't match his top.
- Tavares decides hockey isn't for him and takes up professional lawn bowling.
- Wanye Gretz switches from Bud Light to Big Bear.
- I wake up one morning to discover my pillow is actually edible....so I skip breakfast.
- MacT resigns or is "restructured" out of a job.
What I'm saying is, people...the Oilers are basically fucked. The sheer minute probability that 2 of the 4 teams in front of them in the playoff race blow it and the Oilers finish off the season with three wins is so miniscule I can't even describe it. But you didn't need me to tell you that. I just need to put something up on my blog to keep my editor happy.
Thanks for reading,
The Towel Boy
Friday, April 3, 2009
So anyways, imagine my surprise when the game is over and I look up and see President of Whatever Operations, Kevin Lowe, speaking to the media in the place where MacT normally holds his post game presser.
With no audio I was left to my wild imagination to decipher what K Lowe could have possible been talking about. Many things flew through my brain. Did they fire MacT? Ok...that was the only thing I could come up with at the time.
So I covertly hopped on my blackberry and checked out Twitter...only to discover a tweet from Dan Tancer saying something about Bob Stauffer getting a text message from Bruce Wayne himself saying something to the effect of "MacTavish is going nowhere."
Now, I'm sure Bob Stuaffer doesn't normally give a shit what anyone thinks of him or what he says....but I suspect there's one dude that can make Bob pucker, and that is The Man himself. And when The Man personally sends you a curt text message dispelling everything you just spent the last 10 minutes talking about. You go "oh....shit...boss is mad."
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I will say this; I thought MacT looked like a hero for putting Zach Stortini out as the extra attacker when he pulled Rollie. That gamble paid off big time as Zach Attack made a sweet deflection to get the Oilers within one. Of all the players he could have chosen...he picked old Zack Attack. Speaks volumes for Stortini's play of late...and not so much for some other so called "talented" players.
While the timing for a bad outcome on that call wasn't the best, I believe MacT was 100% sure it was going to go their way, otherwise he wouldn't have made the call. He acted on what he thought was accurate information and it didn't work out. Shit happens. Neidermeyer even admitted after the game that Selanne's stick probably wasn't legal prior to the game and that he was "glad he took care of it before the game." It still doesn't take the sting away though.
Now it's on to the Sharks. That should be a guaranteed win. Right? I mean the Oilers are behind the 8 ball now. The collective hockey world has written them off. That's how they like it. This "come from behind when you're down and out" scenario is getting pretty old here in Oil Country. But whatever, I'm still in it for the long haul...I have to believe they can do it....what else can I do? I'm too much of a fan and will be until the bitter end.
Now, anyone have some glue? I've got some broken stuff I need to put back together.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
I also wanna see more images like the picture up there. Bodies flying towards/in/out/on the net. I wanna see some gritty playoff hockey where one of our players would put a puck in with his teeth if it meant the Win. I wanna see the players look and play like they give a shit. I want them to give me a reason to cheer.
That brings me to my other rant...Yesterday Dan Tencer's blog had an audio clip mixing audio memories of the '06 cup run with interjected pleas of mercy from Gilbert, Grebs, Gags, Struds and Horc. They all wanted the fans to know that they need our support during the homestand. They want us to cheer loudly and not boo them. They want us to know that we give them motivation to play. Well for fuck sakes. I don't know why, but that rubbed me the wrong way. Especially when Horcoff said "fans don't realize...".... What the fuck do you mean Horcoff? We realize you're not exactly mopping the floor with your oposition lately. We realize you, Mr. Horcoff, are practically invisible during the game lately. We realize you wiff on shots and passes. We realize you are about to be the highest paid mook on the team next year. We realize lots. You need to realize that YOU need to play like you want it and the fans will get behind you. Until then, expect us to be skeptical of your abilities and desire to win games with whatever it takes. Give us a fucking reason to get behind you. God dammit.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I look at this next game coming up in Phoenix tommorrow night as the battle on Endor for control of the shield generator. The shield generator is, of course, a playoff spot and the Oilers are Han Solo. The happy ending all hinges on whether or not they do their job. If they wanna blow up the Death Star (win the Cup)...they need to win this pivotal battle to get there. Han didn't let the baby Ewoks die for nothing and I hope the Oilers have the same morals. Come on Oilers, do it for the baby Ewoks. With their cute little black beady eyes and fluffy fur. Do it for them! Let's get that generator down so we can blow up that Death Star!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
The Detroit Red Wings foreign scout flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi play hockey in the new American sponsored league, and is suitably impressed and arranges for him to come over to the US .Ken Holland signs him to a one year contract and the kid joins the team for the preseason.Two weeks later the Wings are down 4-0 to the Blackhawks with only 10minutes left. Mike Babcock gives the young Iraqi the nod and he goes in. The kid is a sensation - scores 5 goals in 10 minutes and wins the game for the Wings! The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted, and the media love the new star.When the player comes off the ice he phones his mom to tell her about his first day of NHL hockey. "Hello mom, guess what?" he says in an Iraqi accent."I played for 10 minutes today, we were 4-0 down, but I scored 5 goals and we won. Everybody loves me, the fans, the media, they all love me.""Wonderful," says his mom, "Let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters, and all while you were having such great time."The young Iraqi is very upset. "What can I say mom, but I'm so sorry.""Sorry? You're Sorry? !!" says his mom, "It's your fault we moved to Detroit in the first place!"
How the hell did we thrash the Avs and come out on top of the Hawks on our roadtrip, but couldn't score a damn goal in Minnie on Sunday? Man. I was hoping to go 2 for 3 on the trip, and I pegged the Hawks game for a loss and hoped for a win against the Wild. It's still the same amount of points earned in the standings...but at least my way the Oil would have stuck it to the Wild-who are chasing us in the standings, far too uncomfortably close I might add. Oh well. I guess it was still a pretty good road trip, all things considered. The Oilers are still in a death grip* of 7th place in the West.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
3 Goals. 1 Assist. First career hatty. 8 points in the last 5 games.
Jesus H. Christ, that was AWESOME! What a great time to bust that sophmore slump.
I still don't really know what just happened...but I love it. Who saw this coming!?!
On to Chicago boys!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Great news! The Oilers head off on a gut check type of road trip with three games in four nights against the Avs, Hawks and Wild. There's even an awesome back to backer in there for good measure. Oh, and an afternoon game in Minnesota to sweeten the pot. Wait...how in the hell is this at all good news for the Oilers?
...yeah...I've got nothing either.
I just don't know how it's all gonna turn out...but I think the one game we SHOULD win for sure would be against the Avs. The Oil should be well rested and they actually won the last time they played in Colorado...oh, and the Avs suck. After that, it's a crap shoot. Chicago has had our number all season and, I'm too lazy to look it up, I can't remember the last time we won in Minnie...in an afternoon game none the less....so ..."yay" on that front.
Well...I've got no choice but to go into this with a "They can do it!" attitude and cheer them on in full force...with full beers. I'll do my part. Oilers, you better do yours!
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Monday, March 16, 2009
K, so I'm sitting here trying to think of something positive to pry out of this sich-yay-shun the Oilers find themselves in of late. Let's take a look...
The PP sucks. The PK sucks. Three straight OT losses. Hemsky isn't scoring. Teams that are far below us in the standings seem to find ways to beat us. It's friggin' cold and snowy in March. Life seems to suck right now in Oil Country.
Anyways, yes the team has issues, no question. Maybe they'll make it, maybe they won't...but HOPEFULLY they can get their shit together real fast and hand it to St. Louis tomorrow night down at the Pharmacy. Enough of this mediocrity...get to the winnin' already...and DON'T GO TO OT!
I still think this smells like '06. Just sayin...
Friday, March 13, 2009
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Imagine the scene above, played out 45 to 50 plus times next season: The post goal bench flyby. Imagine your jubilation. Imagine your pride. Imagine Ilya Kovalchuk as an Edmonton Oiler.
*sigh...stares longinly into image dreaming of what could be*
Yes. I want to see Ilya Kovalchuk in Oiler silks next season. It's possible. He is a UFA next summer. If things go south, the Oilers will probably be looking to restructure their salary commitments somewhat and would likely love to find room for a Kovalchukian type of guy. I'm sure the Thrashers would love to resign him too and will probably do everything in their power to do so. Let's just hope Katz does a good sell job on him this summer and seals the deal with rides in his private jet, Rexall One.
I would like to think that if the Oilers strike out with Hossa this summer, they'll likely be looking to add a top gun of some sort to please fans like me who like flashy goal scorers. Ilya is exactly that: flashy, shiny, Russiany and goal scorey...ohh...to dream of what could be.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
- The Oilers win.
- The Caps beat the Preds.
- The B's beat the BJ's.
- The Sharks beat the Wild.
- The Blues beat the Stars.
Saturday, March 7, 2009
Hockey Night In Canada. The first game of the Saturday night double header is versus the Leafs with a tight playoff race on the line.
It doesn't get any bigger than this. ...Until next game. But for now, this is huge.
The Oilers showed up in the "Nation's Capital" on Thursday and proceeded to bring the suck. The new parts acquired at the deadline looked tired and the team didn't seem to have any umph. Gagner played a pretty good game all by himself. Everyone else took the night off.
Moving forward to this evening, I expect an up tempo, physical game from the Oilers. I expect the Leafs to suck. I expect Hemsky, Horcoff and Souray to find the score sheet finally after quite a number of games of being fairly invisible. I expect hits, forechecks, backchecks, passes and goals. I expect good hockey. I expect explosions, lasers, fog, holograms and face melting guitar solos too.
Ok Oilers and Leafs...Entertain me.
The Towel Boy
Friday, March 6, 2009
Lazy plays, lazy players, indifferent looking superstars and all around general bone headed plays are killing this team lately. A complete lack of effort on the part of some players.
The kind of intensity that people lose 5 teeth from an errant clearing attempt and come back after getting a few stitches to set up the game winner. The kind of intensity that causes your Captain to play with dislocated shoulders. The kind of intensity that causes pucks to enter the opposition's net by sheer fear. The kind of intensity that takes you deep into the playoffs.
Rollie seems to be the only player that is consistently playing at this level lately. The rest of the team seems to be invisible one game and there the next. Except for Sam Gagner over the past few games. Quite solid.
Gagner played his wee little heart out again last night. He was all over the ice. Banging, crashing, scoring, passing, preparing donairs for Penner and generally being the little buzz saw we hoped he'd be out of the gates this season.
Towel Boy, out.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
oooohhhhh...my head hurts.
Ok. So the trade deadline came and went. It looked like it was shaping up to be a deadline where the Oiler brass would sit on their hands and not get anything done. I had my fire and venom blog almost completely written when about 20 minutes after the deadline passed, word came down that the Oilers had possibly made a trade.
I says "Pardon?"
With my ears glued to the Tradecenter broadcast from TSN I impatiently waited, for what seemed like an eternity, to find out what the hell the Oilers had actually done. News slowly started to trickle in...and It was confusing.
"The Oilers have completed a trade with Carolina" was the first word we received.
...oookkk.... Robin Brownlee over at Oilersnation.com had mentioned a couple weeks ago that if the Oilers traded Erik Cole, Carolina would probably be their dance partner.
"Ok, the Kings have made a deal with Carolina for Justin Williams for Patrick O'sullivan."
...oooKKK!....It became clear, at that point, that the Oilers, Kings and Hurricanes got down and dirty with some raunchy 3 way action!
I liked Cole. I thought he was just starting to hit his stride with the team. He was looking good over the past few weeks and had a helluva game in Nashville the other night. But in this crazy,
Turns out Tambo struck a deal with the Sabres to bring Ales Kotalik over for a 2nd round pick. Ohhhhhhhhh....but wait........I thought the Sabres brass absolutely hated everything about the Oilers and would do anything in their powers to fuck us over cuz of the whole "Vanek Offer" sheet debacle in the summer of '07. I guess they burried the hatchet, or simply wanted to do the deal cuz they needed to shed salary from roster to give some breathing room after the Tim Conolly extension they inked earlier in the day - plus they wouldn't have to deal with Kevin Lowe. Either that, or Tambo is a smooth operator and had Darcy Regier eating out of the palm of his hands. I like to think the the latter. Honestly - WHO SAW THIS COMING!?!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Trade deadline day! W00t w00T!
I just don't know what the Oilers are gonna do today. I'd like to think Bobby Nilsson is gonna have a new address after today...but I just don't know what Tamb-lowe-lini are gonna do today.
*crosses fingers for something good*