Let's DOOOOOOOOoooo THIS!!1!!!!

Ok...so I know I've been a little slack around here lately. It's summer. What do you want from me? This is primarily an Oiler related blog and there hasn't been much exciting Oiler related news for me to force on to you my opinions of said news.

Aside from this whole "douche bag" thing (read: Dany Heatley) this summer, there hasn't been much excitement from 'ol Tambo and his crew.

It looks, by all accounts, that the Oil will be going into training camp with virtually the same roster as last season. Of course a new/old goalie is in net and we no longer have the services of Kyle Brodziak. But aside from that, we can expect the same group of guys to lace'em up for the Mighty Oil. There is still time for Tambo to make a trade or two. We'll see. But chances are good that the roster will remain unchanged.

I think this year is going to be different with this group though. Last summer heading into training camp we (the fans, the media, the coach) had high expectations of this team. We all know how that turned out. But if there's one thing the Oilers know how to do - it's how to not live up to expectations. Whether that means sucking when expectations are high or playing lights out when expectations are low is anyone's guess. This team has shown tenancies to do both.

This year is different for me because I almost don't care about the tiny details. I don't care if Hemsky gets 90 pts. I don't care if Sam Gagner plays the first half of the season like he typically plays the second half. I don't care if Souray's shoulder explodes. I don't care if Lubo's shoulder is healed. I don't care if Horcoff buries feeds from Hemsky or whiffs on them. I don't care if the Oilers get blown out 10-2. All I care about, from the bottom of my heart, is that the Oilers somehow, some way MAKE THE FUCKING PLAYOFFS. I don't care about the details of how they do it...I just want it done. I'm so tired of not caring much about hockey after the regular season is over.

It's been three summers of playoff hockey with zero Oiler content. I can't take another. I need a reason to damage my liver...other than "hey, it's Monday night!"

Oh, and if you dig the picture up there...why not show your appreciation for it by buying the T-Shirt from Jeanshorts & Baggedmilk You can buy it here.

Alright...now...expect to see more shit as we draw closer to training camp. You've been warned.

Dream With Me For A Second

The photo above was taken from the future. It is a distant future. There's laser guns, flying cars, holograms on every corner and Dany Heatley is an Oiler. In what could be described as "the worst photoshop The Towel Boy has ever done" (above) you will see an accurate* artistic representation of this world and how it would look as Dany Heatley does his post goal flyby.

Flashback to the present:

Word came down today from the hockey megaverse central hive (tsn.ca) that Dany Heatley wants out of Ottawa. I don't blame him. That is one shitty team over the past couple of seasons. They went from balls out awesome to flat out titty-fucking awful over one offseason. Some of it was coaching, some of it was goaltending. I don't pretend to know why the Sens turned up the suck...maybe it was Jason Smith. But they did...and that's what lead up to the events of today.

Would Heatley want to be traded to the Oilers? I don't know...I don't even know if he has a say really. I don't think he has a no trade clause, so it would seem it's up the Brian Murray. It's not like the Oilers have been lights out the past couple of seasons either, when compared to the Sens, but here's why I think Dany Heatley would love to play for the Oilers:

1. I said so.

So there you have it. A solid argument as to why the Oilers should do everything in their power to package up a nice assortment of up-and-comers plus Rob Schremp to land Dany Heatley. Besides, it doesn't look much like Hossa is coming here this summer.

Now, back into my time machine! I was in the middle of watching the series finale of Big Brother coming up this summer when I decided to come back and post this.

*KERZZZZOOORK* poof.

Signed,

Past Towel Boy writing as Present Towel Boy with information from the Future Towel Boy

*not at all accurate, pretty shitty actually

Ohhhhh MAN!

Trade deadline day! W00t w00T!

I just don't know what the Oilers are gonna do today. I'd like to think Bobby Nilsson is gonna have a new address after today...but I just don't know what Tamb-lowe-lini are gonna do today.

*crosses fingers for something good*

TB, out.