A Snowball's Chance In Hell

Things that have better chances of happening than the Oilers making the playoffs:

1. Me getting mauled in my own back yard by a Howler monkey.


2. The NHL decides to move the Phoenix Coyotes back to Winnipeg, writes a formal letter of appology to the fans and refunds 13 years of season ticket dollars to the Phoenix patrons who actually thought Hockey was "neat."


3. Sex Panther™ fragrance for men. 60% of the time, it works every the time.


4. Jeanshorts hooks up with Evanka Osmak.


5. Dwayne Roloson hat trick.


6. Tom Gilbert goes on a shopping trip and buys shoes that don't match his top.


7. Tavares decides hockey isn't for him and takes up professional lawn bowling.


8. Wanye Gretz switches from Bud Light to Big Bear.


9. I wake up one morning to discover my pillow is actually edible....so I skip breakfast.


10. MacT resigns or is "restructured" out of a job.

What I'm saying is, people...the Oilers are basically fucked. The sheer minute probability that 2 of the 4 teams in front of them in the playoff race blow it and the Oilers finish off the season with three wins is so miniscule I can't even describe it. But you didn't need me to tell you that. I just need to put something up on my blog to keep my editor happy.

Thanks for reading,

The Towel Boy

Sam "Raging Bull" Gagner

Wow.

Ok, so this afternoon the Oilers and the Kings met in L.A. to fight and call each other names, and a game of hockey broke out.

In a game filled with 3 fighting majors, a nice array of minor penalties and some awesome hits from both sides it was clear that Sam Gagner would have to step in and chuck some knuckles to settle this thing down. Who saw this coming?!?

That's right...Sam Friggin' Gagner dropped his tiny gloves with Jack Johnson this afternoon and stood up for himself after a net crashin' post whistle scrum.

Both players landed some decent shots and tagged each other in the final blows. After it was all over Gags had a bloody nose and my respect to show for his efforts (which is huge...cuz I'm kind of a big deal). It doesn't matter who won or lost, what matters is that Sam Friggin' Gagner dropped the gloves. My wee Little Sammy.

*tear of pride rolls down cheek*


Math Time:
Interesting statistic (Jonathan Willis, take note) - this was Sam Gagner's 2nd career NHL fight.

The following graph will analyze Gagner's number of fights and the distribution of the months in which they occured:

That's right! Both of Sam Gagner's NHL fights have occured in month of February. Who saw that coming?!? February 16th, 2008 and Today to be exact.

Maybe Sam's got lady troubles and the general region of Valentine's Day (tm) sends him into a week long, angry, alcohol fueled fit of rage where he would fight his own mother if she was within swinging distance.

Either way...I've got my calendar marked for mid February, 2010 for Sam's next tilt. Can't wait!

Yours truly,

Winston J. Towel Boy IV - esq.