Monday, April 6, 2009

A Snowball's Chance In Hell

Things that have better chances of happening than the Oilers making the playoffs:
  1. Me getting mauled in my own back yard by a Howler monkey.

  2. The NHL decides to move the Phoenix Coyotes back to Winnipeg, writes a formal letter of appology to the fans and refunds 13 years of season ticket dollars to the Phoenix patrons who actually thought Hockey was "neat."

  3. Sex Panther™ fragrance for men. 60% of the time, it works every the time.

  4. Jeanshorts hooks up with Evanka Osmak.

  5. Dwayne Roloson hat trick.

  6. Tom Gilbert goes on a shopping trip and buys shoes that don't match his top.

  7. Tavares decides hockey isn't for him and takes up professional lawn bowling.

  8. Wanye Gretz switches from Bud Light to Big Bear.

  9. I wake up one morning to discover my pillow is actually I skip breakfast.

  10. MacT resigns or is "restructured" out of a job.

What I'm saying is, people...the Oilers are basically fucked. The sheer minute probability that 2 of the 4 teams in front of them in the playoff race blow it and the Oilers finish off the season with three wins is so miniscule I can't even describe it. But you didn't need me to tell you that. I just need to put something up on my blog to keep my editor happy.

Thanks for reading,

The Towel Boy


  1. I will have you know that if it meant the Oil would make the playoffs I would drink bear WHIZ. If only it were that simple...

  2. JS has a picture of Evanka with the mouth cut out. Does that count?


  3. @ WG: If only....If only.... * sigh *

    @ BM: I'd count that as a take down. At least in my books.

  4. For the record, you really CAN buy Sex Panther.


    It STINGS the nostrils...

  5. @ PC: Oh....My....Gawd. *whips out credit card*

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