Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Rocket Stortini

Zachery Stortini appears to be on a mission of late:

A mission to score more goals than Sam Gagner.

Check these stats...

Sam Gagner #89
2008-200951 6

Average TOI:  16:56

Zack Stortini #46
2008-200937 4
Average TOI:  6:56

What in Sweet Zeus's Underpants!?!...Zack has 4 goals to Gagner's 6, while playing 14 fewer games and averaging 10 minutes less TOI per game.  Am I reading this correct?  Doth mine eyes deceivith me...eth?

Ummm....who saw this coming?!?

I understand that Gagner has put up more points than Zack...a lot more points....but goals is what this narrow minded and one sided article has focused on.  

Sam is a play maker, so it stands to reason he's going to score less goals than your average sniper.  I get that.  But to have only 2 more than your team's limited minute huggy bear?  That's the worst thing imaginable.  Especially for someone of Gagner's draft position and hockey pedigree.

Perhaps this is the push that Sammy needs to start finishing some of his chances down the stretch.  It already appears lately that Sam has taken a page from the gameplay manual of one Zachery Johnson Howard Stortini:

1.  Crash net with wreckless abandon.  Check!
2.  Fight.  Check!
3.  Dig puck out of corners and cycle deep...maintain solid forecheck.  Check!
4.  Grow 5 o'clock shadow at 9:30 AM.  Ok, gotta work on that.
5.  Use "well umm" and "uhhh" and "errr" multiple times in TV interviews.  Not Required.

Now, there's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition amongst teammates...So it should translate well down the stretch for both players to keep this little goal scoring race going.  I just deep down inside hope Zack doesn't surpass Gagner in goals...cuz Sam's Sophmore Jinxed psyche doesn't need that kick to the ball sack.

The Towel Boy...CBC News.......Edmonton.


  1. I am digging this blog more and more. Haha classic. Curse your talent.



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