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Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

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President's Trophy winning Sharks...Done!

Flamers...DONE!

Best fucking day ever. 

R.I.P. MacT

Time To Stop Being Such A Grumpy Dumb Dumb

Well. I see I haven't been exactly lighting up the internet airwaves of late. After the loss to the Kings I pretty much saw my will to care about hockey dwindle away from a raging inferno to a tiny spark. I guess having your team shit the bed and miss a post season appearance for the 3rd straight year will also do that to you. Just the idea of the final two Battles of Alberta meaning absolutely jack squat sucked the life straight out of me.

But, I'm still here and the Oilers are still a team in the NHL. As long as that criteria is met, I'll be writing something.

With that in mind, I thought it'd be a great idea to give incredibly short commentary on the final media availability comments for each of the players. Let's do that, shall we?

• MacT - Looked/sounded/acted like he got kicked in the junk.
• Hemsky - Confused.
• Horcoff - Diplomatic - as always.
• Moreau - Huge Pupil.
• Staios - Worried.
• Grebeshkov - Disappointed.
• Gilbert - New Shoes.
• O'Sullivan - "It was difficult."
• Roloson - Positive...and old.
• Reddox - 12 years old.
• Macintyre - Happy just to be there.
• Nilsson - I don't think he gets it.
• Gagner - Sophmore slump OVER. No, for real - he gets it now.
• Visnovsky - Healing. Loves his team.
• Jacques - Wait...why did they interview him? Didn't he play like 7 games?
• Strudwick - Happy just to be there.

Noteable Absenses - Souray, Stortini, Cogliano, Penner and Brodziak. Smid too!

I was pretty surprised to not hear anything from Souray...or his great hair.

Ok, that's all for now.

Towel Boy, out.

I'll Let Roy Tell You How I Feel

A Snowball's Chance In Hell

Things that have better chances of happening than the Oilers making the playoffs:

1. Me getting mauled in my own back yard by a Howler monkey.


2. The NHL decides to move the Phoenix Coyotes back to Winnipeg, writes a formal letter of appology to the fans and refunds 13 years of season ticket dollars to the Phoenix patrons who actually thought Hockey was "neat."


3. Sex Panther™ fragrance for men. 60% of the time, it works every the time.


4. Jeanshorts hooks up with Evanka Osmak.


5. Dwayne Roloson hat trick.


6. Tom Gilbert goes on a shopping trip and buys shoes that don't match his top.


7. Tavares decides hockey isn't for him and takes up professional lawn bowling.


8. Wanye Gretz switches from Bud Light to Big Bear.


9. I wake up one morning to discover my pillow is actually edible....so I skip breakfast.


10. MacT resigns or is "restructured" out of a job.

What I'm saying is, people...the Oilers are basically fucked. The sheer minute probability that 2 of the 4 teams in front of them in the playoff race blow it and the Oilers finish off the season with three wins is so miniscule I can't even describe it. But you didn't need me to tell you that. I just need to put something up on my blog to keep my editor happy.

Thanks for reading,

The Towel Boy

Stauffer Gets His PeePee Slapped

So, I'm sitting at my buddie's place last night mostly losing at poker.  I'm in an entire room full of Flames fans too, I might add.  The TV showing the Oiler game is on in the background but there's no audio.  No audio cuz they don't care about the Oilers like I do.  They just want something manly on in the background while poker is being played.  

So anyways, imagine my surprise when the game is over and I look up and see President of Whatever Operations, Kevin Lowe, speaking to the media in the place where MacT normally holds his post game presser.

With no audio I was left to my wild imagination to decipher what K Lowe could have possible been talking about.  Many things flew through my brain.  Did they fire MacT?  Ok...that was the only thing I could come up with at the time.

So I covertly hopped on my blackberry and checked out Twitter...only to discover a tweet from Dan Tancer saying something about Bob Stauffer getting a text message from Bruce Wayne himself saying something to the effect of "MacTavish is going nowhere."

Ohhhhhhhhhh.....this was getting juicy, I said to myself...and then went ALL IN.  It paid off big...I got the flush card on the river!  The whole time I was raking in my freshly won pot, and chuckling at the demise of two of my opponents, I could only think of how pissed off DK must have been to take the time to slap Stuaffer's weiner. 

I can sort of see Daryl Katz's anger.  Imagine yourself as Daryl Katz.  You're in your beautiful car, driving with your beautiful wife to the hallowed grounds that are Rexall Place; a place of worship which shares the namesake of your vast pharmacutical empire.  Life is good.  You turn on the Mark Levinson sound system in your whip and tune in to the radio station that covers your beloved hockey team.  You want to hear pregame stuff that will give you insight as to how the forthcoming game is going to shake out.... stuff like which direction the zambonis went around the rink, who is in the lineup and who's out, comments from players and coaches on what will be needed to eek out a win....stuff like that .  Fluffy things that make you feel excited to get to the rink get to watchin'.   Only thing is...you don't hear that.  You hear the guy you basically pay to cover your team raggin' on the coach and reporting his inevitable demise.   You say to yourself..."Sweet merciful crap!" and you hop on your phone and fire off a short, but effective, text message to the guy talking trash about your coach.  You can do that cuz you're Daryl fucking Katz.

Now, I'm sure Bob Stuaffer doesn't normally give a shit what anyone thinks of him or what he says....but I suspect there's one dude that can make Bob pucker, and that is The Man himself.  And when The Man personally sends you a curt text message dispelling everything you just spent the last 10 minutes talking about.  You go "oh....shit...boss is mad."

Now, I gotta say...I may not exactly think MacT is the coach of the Oilers' future.  But I also have to say, I don't think we can do much better.  I believe most of the issues this team has are with the on ice personnel.  If I was to go along with firing MacT it would be because sometimes change is good, but I don't think Craig is a bad coach.  This year didn't shake out as planned, but sometimes that happens.  Jason Gregor over at Oilersnation.com has stated that he believes if MacT leaves, it will be because he resigns and not because he gets fired.  I have to agree, especially now that I know where Katz stands.

Either way, it should make for an interesting summer.  Either because of trades that will inevitably happen, or because MacT throws in the towel.

I have to say also, the season's not over yet...they're not mathematically out.  I'm still hopin' and prayin. ...but I will admit...it doesn't look good.  They did show good fire last night though.  Good fire against the best team in the league and they almost got it.  I'm sure Kotalik would like 3 or 4 of his scoring chances/posts back.  Oh well.  On to the next game.

Over and out,

Towel Boy

That Didn't Go As Planned

Sooo...yaaa....right. ...I've got nothing much to say, except that they're not mathematically eliminated yet.  But honestly...even a run of the table in the final games doesn't guarantee squat. So, while I don't like their odds...they're not completely done yet.

I will say this; I thought MacT looked like a hero for putting Zach Stortini out as the extra attacker when he pulled Rollie.  That gamble paid off big time as Zach Attack made a sweet deflection to get the Oilers within one.  Of all the players he could have chosen...he picked old Zack Attack.  Speaks volumes for Stortini's play of late...and not so much for some other so called "talented" players.

...and then the stick measurement call happened...

While the timing for a bad outcome on that call wasn't the best, I believe MacT was 100% sure it was going to go their way, otherwise he wouldn't have made the call.  He acted on what he thought was accurate information and it didn't work out.  Shit happens.  Neidermeyer even admitted after the game that Selanne's stick probably wasn't legal prior to the game and that he was "glad he took care of it before the game."  It still doesn't take the sting away though.

Now it's on to the Sharks.  That should be a guaranteed win.  Right?  I mean the Oilers are behind the 8 ball now.  The collective hockey world has written them off.  That's how they like it.  This "come from behind when you're down and out" scenario is getting pretty old here in Oil Country.  But whatever,  I'm still in it for the long haul...I have to believe they can do it....what else can I do?  I'm too much of a fan and will be until the bitter end.

Now, anyone have some glue?  I've got some broken stuff I need to put back together.


Truly yours,

The Towel Boy