Is This Thing On?

Hello there.

Where do I begin?

Well first off, how about a little story as to where in the hell this lovely corner of the Internet went over the past few months...

Our story begins around month two of the 2009/2010 Regular Season of my beloved Edmonton Oilers. Up to that point, there was still the annual hope in the air that the Oilers could somehow churn out another mediocre-barely-make-the-playoffs-in-fact-not-even-make-the-playoffs-but-give-a-good-showing-over-the-final-twenty-games effort. Turns out that was nothing but a pipe dream, as the Season From Hell™ was gathering steam...and lots of it.

Injuries, the flu, mono, concussions, surgeries, DUI's, general malaise, constipation, urinal tract infections...you name it, it happened. Not to mention what the Edmonton Oilers went through! Ok...kidding...that was all them. The team could not buy a break, even with the billions of dollars in Katz's piggy bank. They sucked. I grew weary.

As the losses mounted and the roster took on an ECHL flavor this feeling of "I don't give a shit" began to take a hold of me. It was rough. As a die hard Oiler fan for many many moons I can tell you this feeling of not caring about my team was quite foreign to me. As a result of the Oilers' Shitshow™, the "Who Saw This Coming!?!" you all know and love took a direct blow to the post count. My posts came further and further apart, eventually with me not even caring enough to post something like "at least we have the 1st overall pick!1!!" But no. A picture I found of Jordan Eberle was my last post...World Juniors? Seriously? WOW.

It's sad, because I'm the guy that buys all the PPV games no matter what...even after the Smyth Trade™. Not this year. I'm the guy that plans his social calendar around off-nights of the Edmonton Oilers. Not this year. I'm the guy that plans his social calendar around on-nights of the Edmonton Oilers. "Let's meet for drinks at (insert name of place with TV's that show Oiler games)" I would say. Not this year. I'm the guy that goes to as many games as I can possibly afford. "I don't need to eat this month." I would say. Not this year. I went to two games ...and they were free.

Now that the Season From Hell™ is long over and I have had some time to heal. I feel my love for my team creeping back in. There's a lot to look forward to for next season. I mean...they can't get any worse, really. There's a pretty good draft pick coming in. Some young prospects will be knocking at the door. Tambo is supposedly done assessing and plans on cleaning some house this summer. It can't possibly turn out any worse. Can it? I don't think so. I don't expect them to be a playoff team next season, but I do expect them to not be DEAD FUCKING LAST again.

So, with that all in mind, this place is NOT dead. It is still here. I will still toss up my beautiful photoshop creations. I will still spew what ever is in my head out into this blogging machine and I will do it a little more regularly. I am, afterall, The Towel Boy. I have fans. (Thanks Mom!)

Speaking of The Pint - NationDraft Playoff Editions.... Have you seen where I currently sit?

That's right. 7th. Who saw this coming!?!

But I'm gonna admit. I am royally fucked after this round of the playoffs is over. Look at my team:

Yeesh.

Well, it was good while it lasted.

-TB

A Real Canadian Hero

I stumbled upon this gem on the old internets today. Classic.

Two Words: 1. AWE. 2. SOME.

There's been a lot of talk in the Oilogosphere since the end of the World Junior Championship about Jordan Eberle. Some fans think he is the savior that this team needs. Some have a more measured outlook that we should wait and see how he looks playing in the NHL before we plan the ticker tape parade. Then there are other absolute buzzkilling trolls that call him a bumb and a loser. We ignore those guys. Well, I do at least.

I'm in the "let's wait and see how he does against NHL players" group. I'm not stupid and I realize that good Jr. numbers don't always translate into elite level NHL numbers. For that reason alone I haven't ordered my Oiler jersey with "EBERLE 14" on the back. That being said...I wouldn't hesitate to get a Team Canada jersey with "EBERLE 14" on the back.

Nobody can question the ability of this kid to score clutch goals in very tense situations on the world stage in the name of Canada. He's a gamer. I just hope he can translate some of the magic he's performed on the Jr. stage in the NHL. Time will tell.

GOILERS! (DFF)

-TB

THIS! IS! KHABIBULIN!!!!

In honour of Nikolai Khabibulin reaching the 300 win mark last night with his shootout victory over the Dallas Stars...I present to you this wonderful masterpiece. I spent a good 3 minutes on this one, so enjoy it. I have no story or written words to go with it...so I'll leave you with a big, happy "GOILERS!!1!!!"

-TB

Da Stars

Pictured Above: A Star.

I'll make this quick. The Stars fly into RX1 tonight. The Oilers are looking to shake off the feelings of despair that they most undoubtedly felt after watching Khabibulin pull a Horcoff (read: Whiffing on a puck.) to end their season opener on a bit of a downer.

The Powerful and Mighty Oilers will be looking to absolutely hand it to the Marc Crawfordly looking Dallas Stars this evening. This game also marks the return of Charile Huddy to RX1, as he is now an assistant coach with the enemy after being let go by Tambo this summer.

The offensive aspect of the Oilers' home opener wasn't too much to complain about. They showed that they can play physical. They got their noses dirty and generated chances by charging hard to the net and being tenacious on the puck. But I do expect a little bit cleaner play from our squadron this evening on the defensive side of things. Quinn mentioned in the post game comments from Saturday's game that he wasn't terribly thrilled on how his team looked on any of the four goals against. I would have to agree with him. Mostly because he's Pat Fucking Quinn, and also because all four goals against were pretty weak. Except that last one...there was nothing Khabibulin could do on that one. (read: Sarcasm)

Sounds like Nilsson draws into the lineup to replace Moreau who sits tonight with some sort of infection in his foot or something. I dunno. But nothing seems to surprise me anymore when it comes to our Captain and injuries.

The game is being broadcast on PPV tonight. There's an OilersNation.com PPV party with Wanye Gretz and Jason Gregor being held at a swanky new pub "The Pint" at 10125 - 109 Street in E-town. I've been told it's the old Fox and Hounds or something? If I lived within cab ride distance of that place I would be there. But I don't. So I'm just going to continue to pout about it.

Speaking of PPV games... What the fuck is with having the second Oilers game being broadcast as a PPV game? I realize the network/regional tv draw of the Oilers has probably dwindled somewhat since the '06 cup run. But dammit. I don't want to pay for a PPV game so early in the year. I need to see this team in action a few times before I'll commit to dumping 15 bucks on a PPV game. I suppose it's cheaper than "going" to a game...and who am I kidding...I paid for PPV games at the end of the 06-07 season when the team went 2-18 in the final 20 games. One more thing, have you seen the PPV schedule for November? Good lord. There's like 5 of them! I'm going to need to find some friends house(s), bars and/or internet feeds to watch some of those ones. The last thing I need is an extra 75 bucks on my Satellite bill.

Ok then, my guess is Oilers 5, Stars 1. Gagner with the hat trick tonight. Yep...you heard it here first.

-TB

Stay Hydrated

Well well well. What the hell do we have here? Am I mistaken?... or is tonight the season opener for the Edmonton Oilers? You're god damn right it is! I sure hope Khabibulin is drinking lots of water. We don't need our new/old goalie getting dehydrated and having to leave the game between the second and third periods. Do we?

This has been the longest day ever. I woke up this morning around 7 am...as I am normally prone to do. Reason: My kid tends to wake up between 6:30 and 7:00 am every day, which is awesome. I get to live every day to the fullest extent possible, regardless of the state of my hangover. Ahh, the joys of parenthood. You see...some of you may not know...but I am the proud father of a 2 year old girl. (Yeah...I know hey? I barely have the mental maturity of a 12 year old...let alone an adult that could parent offspring ...and have it survice to the age of Two.)

She's a cutie though....so it makes waking up so bloody early at least worth it.




What a darling eh? How do you suppose she knows to what team to cheer for? I swear I've never told her ANYTHING about the Oilers. Ever. She doesn't even know what hockey is.

"But...umm...TB...I hear you in that video telling her what to say."

Well....then....I suggest you get your hearing checked...because I've reviewed this video multiple times and I can't hear anything but a cute kid cheering for her favorite hockey team. My guess is that through some miracle of genetics, she knows that the Oilers are awesome and she must cheer for them to ensure the survival of her species. That's just my guess.

Moving on...

Game Day Bitches!!! The Oilers are playing host to those farm animal lovin' cowpokes from down south this evening. It should be a spirited affair, as always. I'm anxious to see how the Oilers play tonight because the Flames have already played a regular season game. For that reason, I hope the Oilers don't come out flat and I hope they bring it from the second the puck is dropped.

The Flames looked pretty good against the Canucks the other night. They stormed out of the gates and had the Canucks on their heels for 2/3 of the game. The third period was all Vancouver...but the shock and awe technique employed by the Flames in the first two periods was enough to build a lead and weather the storm for the third.

The Oilers need to play a full 60 mintues tonight. They were guilty of playing partial games last season. I don't recall very many games last season where the Oilers stormed out of the gates and kept rolling through to the final buzzer. I sure hope that is one aspect the Oilers work on this season.

I expect the 4th line tonight to be the money maker. I think the combo of Moreau, Gagner and Stortini is a good mix of grit, hard work and skill. It should fare well against the Flames.

That brings me to a final thought: I like these line combos that Quinn and his 332 coaches have thought up. I like the idea of a balanced attack. I mean, sure you could have ONE really potent line...but then you sacrifice the other lines to be chock full of muckers and ham n' eggers. I like the idea of mixing a bit of skill with a bit of hard work....it's a departure from the Mactavish days where we had lines of skill, lines of defensive forwards, lines of muckers and lines of grinders. You knew when the bottom two lines were out on the ice that the chance of scoring a goal was pretty much nil. This way any line has a good chance of potting some G's at any point.

...sounds good in theory...doesn't it?

...what the hell do I know. I just hope it works.

Game time is 8:00pm MST. CBC.

LET'S DOOOOO THIS !!! !!11!

Towel Boy

Wait...what? There's Hockey Already?

Picture Above: Me, looking at the calendar the other day and discovering there is hockey being played already.

What the hell!?! There's friggin hockey being played already! It's the middle of September! Who saw this coming!?!

Yeah, so basically in my excitement of becoming a new owner of a sweet top hat (pictured above), I forgot that the preaseason season was happening. I didn't forget in the sense that the Oilers have played two preseason games already and I didn't know. I "forgot" in the sense that some people actually read this site and expect well written, informative and often mind blowing essays on all things Oil. What better time to fire up the old blogging machine than the first preseason game for the Oilers. Problem is, I was lazy...didn't do it and the first preseason game was two days ago.

Sooooo, I'm hoping all my faithful readers will forgive my laziness and absense over the past couple months and start reading my crap again. I have quite a few unique visitors to this site. If you'll bare with me, I'd like to give a shout out to some of my regular returning visitors:

1. Google cache. You, my friend, have been coming back to this site since it started. You stop by every few days to see if there's any new content and I applaud you for that. I'll remember you, always.

2. Google image search = Child_crying.jpg

I don't know what it is about this picture...but it gets more visitors to my site than any other image I have. People must google image search "Child crying" lots...cuz I bet I get 3 or 5 unique visitors per month looking for this image. Is there that many depressed individuals in the world that they actually look for pictures like this? Does it make them feel better? I know it makes me feel better and I'm glad I google image searched it 10 months ago. I look at it from time to time when I'm feeling sad and I realize that the kid in that picture has it much worse than I do. "Haha...loser" I say to the kid in that picture when I'm feeling sad, and then after I say that I feel awesome again. True story.

3. us.military.gov - I'm not sure what you guys are looking for, but I'm not involved in any terrorist plots to overthrow the government and I think Obama is a pretty cool dude.

4. Mom - Thanks mom.

5. Person that connects to the internets via the University of Alberta running MacOSx - You read this site. Lots. If I could identify you I would by you a sandwich or something. Keep coming!

6. Myself - You, good sir, have more visits to this site than anyone I know. You are amazing, great looking and you have a great smile. I thank you for your tireless efforts in reading this site and I hope you'll continue doing so as the season wears on. Thank you. Sincerely.

Ok, now that we've got that out of the way...How about those OILERS!!! Yeah baby! 2 and 0 to start the preseason. I love it. I am locking down playoff tickets as we speak. I would like to share with you a few observations from the training camp and the two games so far:

- Everyone looks real damn rusty. Like seriously...how many missed nets, posts and whiffs happened in the first two games? I don't keep stats for that stuff, but I wager if it was a number...it'd be high.

- Ethan Moreau's eye still creeps me out.

- Pat Quinn looks godly behind the bench and I swear to god he will cause the splitting of an atom at some point this season from chewing the hell out of that piece of Extra Sugar Free gum.

- We have like 35 goalies at training camp this year. WTF?

- Schremp sure looked good in the first preseason tilt in Calgary. He really controlled the play on the PP and he didn't look too terribly out of position. The Islanders are sure going to have a sweet waiver wire pickup when the Oilers have to place him on waivers because they have 102 forwards to fill 14 or so spots in the lineup.

- Hemsky looks like a giant when he plays with Gagner and Nilsson. Like he absolutely looks HUGE.

- Eberle is a beaut! Man, this kid is gonna be some kind of awesome if/when he makes the team. It's crazy to think he'll go back to JUNIOR if/when the Oilers boot him out of taining camp. Pretty solid offensively. Quick shot and he's sneaky.

That's about it for now. The Oilers' next preseason game is tomorrow night against the Panthers. Somehow the TSN preseason power rankings have put the Panthers one spot ahead of the Oilers, so I figure the Panthers should walk right thru Rexall on friday and score 12 goals and not even break a sweat. We'll see, TSN preseason power rankings....we'll see.

-TB

Fotochop Friday

Jeanshorts posted an interesting video link the other day of our old pal Zack Stortini hanging out with some game nerd playing the upcoming NHL10 while discussing the finer points of hockey: fighting and being a pest in the NHL.

I am so bloody pumped about the upcoming latest release of arguably one of the best sports games ever created. So pumped that I whipped out my photochop machine, input a few 1's and 0's and had the machine put Zack Attack on the cover. Why? Cuz Zack Attack is quickly entrenching himself in Oiler fan psyche as a player that bleeds copper and blue. He's like a regular Joe that doesn't possess any amazing talents and has to work extra hard for every minute ice time. He's not a whiny superstar jerk (Read: Dany Heatley) and I think that's why he's so easy to root for.

I don't know if you watch as much Oiler website video as I do, but I can tell you that this summer has been the Zack Stortini show. Between boatloads of public appearances, charity work, fishing, picking garbage and helping old ladies cross the street, Zack has been the Oilers' PR go to guy. I'm 100% positive he does it because he wants to, not because he has to. But that's the type of stuff that wins over fans. He's chosen to stay in Edmonton for the off season and make the city his home. You gotta respect that.

I like Zack Attack. He just seems like such a down to earth guy. He's seems thoughtful and respectful off the ice. On the ice I'm sure he's a bit of a mouthpiece. But that's his game, and say what you will about his fighting style, he backs it up. He's been amping up his off season training regiment and training with one of the best NHL fighters in George Laraque. I think Zack is going to have a wonderful season in both fisticuffs and points and settle into a nice actual full time gig in the nightly Oiler lineup.

The season is just around the corner! I can't wait.

P.S. If there is any takers in the world of PS3 that want to have their asses handed to them in NHL'10 when it comes out...friend me... Cooked_Electron is the name. You've been warned.