Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts
Showing posts with label wtf. Show all posts

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Wait...what? There's Hockey Already?



Picture Above: Me, looking at the calendar the other day and discovering there is hockey being played already.

What the hell!?! There's friggin hockey being played already! It's the middle of September! Who saw this coming!?!

Yeah, so basically in my excitement of becoming a new owner of a sweet top hat (pictured above), I forgot that the preaseason season was happening. I didn't forget in the sense that the Oilers have played two preseason games already and I didn't know. I "forgot" in the sense that some people actually read this site and expect well written, informative and often mind blowing essays on all things Oil. What better time to fire up the old blogging machine than the first preseason game for the Oilers. Problem is, I was lazy...didn't do it and the first preseason game was two days ago.

Sooooo, I'm hoping all my faithful readers will forgive my laziness and absense over the past couple months and start reading my crap again. I have quite a few unique visitors to this site. If you'll bare with me, I'd like to give a shout out to some of my regular returning visitors:

1. Google cache. You, my friend, have been coming back to this site since it started. You stop by every few days to see if there's any new content and I applaud you for that. I'll remember you, always.

2. Google image search = Child_crying.jpg

I don't know what it is about this picture...but it gets more visitors to my site than any other image I have. People must google image search "Child crying" lots...cuz I bet I get 3 or 5 unique visitors per month looking for this image. Is there that many depressed individuals in the world that they actually look for pictures like this? Does it make them feel better? I know it makes me feel better and I'm glad I google image searched it 10 months ago. I look at it from time to time when I'm feeling sad and I realize that the kid in that picture has it much worse than I do. "Haha...loser" I say to the kid in that picture when I'm feeling sad, and then after I say that I feel awesome again. True story.

3. us.military.gov - I'm not sure what you guys are looking for, but I'm not involved in any terrorist plots to overthrow the government and I think Obama is a pretty cool dude.

4. Mom - Thanks mom.

5. Person that connects to the internets via the University of Alberta running MacOSx - You read this site. Lots. If I could identify you I would by you a sandwich or something. Keep coming!

6. Myself - You, good sir, have more visits to this site than anyone I know. You are amazing, great looking and you have a great smile. I thank you for your tireless efforts in reading this site and I hope you'll continue doing so as the season wears on. Thank you. Sincerely.

Ok, now that we've got that out of the way...How about those OILERS!!! Yeah baby! 2 and 0 to start the preseason. I love it. I am locking down playoff tickets as we speak. I would like to share with you a few observations from the training camp and the two games so far:

- Everyone looks real damn rusty. Like seriously...how many missed nets, posts and whiffs happened in the first two games? I don't keep stats for that stuff, but I wager if it was a number...it'd be high.

- Ethan Moreau's eye still creeps me out.

- Pat Quinn looks godly behind the bench and I swear to god he will cause the splitting of an atom at some point this season from chewing the hell out of that piece of Extra Sugar Free gum.

- We have like 35 goalies at training camp this year. WTF?

- Schremp sure looked good in the first preseason tilt in Calgary. He really controlled the play on the PP and he didn't look too terribly out of position. The Islanders are sure going to have a sweet waiver wire pickup when the Oilers have to place him on waivers because they have 102 forwards to fill 14 or so spots in the lineup.

- Hemsky looks like a giant when he plays with Gagner and Nilsson. Like he absolutely looks HUGE.

- Eberle is a beaut! Man, this kid is gonna be some kind of awesome if/when he makes the team. It's crazy to think he'll go back to JUNIOR if/when the Oilers boot him out of taining camp. Pretty solid offensively. Quick shot and he's sneaky.

That's about it for now. The Oilers' next preseason game is tomorrow night against the Panthers. Somehow the TSN preseason power rankings have put the Panthers one spot ahead of the Oilers, so I figure the Panthers should walk right thru Rexall on friday and score 12 goals and not even break a sweat. We'll see, TSN preseason power rankings....we'll see.

-TB

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The Two Headed Coaching Monster


So, it's been a while since I've been in touch with the internet.  I've been away from my desk working on a project most of this week.  Now, imagine my surprise the other day when I get an email on my Blackberry from the Edmonton Oilers Pipeline informing me that there would be a press conference around lunch time.  Imagine more of my surpise when I don't get that email until after I happened to be at home for lunch and TSN was reporting that the mighty Pat Quinn and Tom Renney would be appointed as the Edmonton Oilers' new Coach(es).  Imagine even more of my surpise when I get an email from a buddy simply titled "DOOOOOOODE!" with the new coaching information nicely packaged within.  Now imagine even more surprises when I get a text message from yet another buddy saying "What?  No Towel Boy around today?  Who saw this coming!?!"  Now imagine you're in a large open field, with the wind gently blowing the tall grass causing it to sway slowly back and forth....woops...shit, sorry...we're done imagining now.

THIS SHIT IS REAL!!!

Yeah...so double you tee eff!  "Two coaches!?"  "Who the fuck saw this coming!?!" I scream to myself.  

All of us interneteers that deal with the Oilers had our suspicions that Pat Quinn could possibly be named as Head Coach.  We also had our suspicions that Tom Renney could possibly be named as Head Coach.  But never and a brazillion years could any of us imagined that BOTH men would be named as coaches of our beloved hockey squadron.

The Mighty Pat Quinn will be the head honcho and Renney was named his "associate".  Pretty sweet since I would have been happy with either man being named as any kind of coach for the team.

I really like this tandem of coaching awesomeness.  Both men have excellent coaching records.  Both men have shown abilities to lead teams to winning records.  Both men are committed to icing a competitive product next season.  With two coaches they can even pull the "good cop, bad cop" routine when needed.  I'm so fuckin' PUMPED!

Now Tambo has the delightful duty of meeting with his new coaches and doing some roster tweaking over the summer.  It'll be curious to see how the roster shakes out going into training camp this fall.  Could this summer be any longer!?!?  (what?...it's only May?  ...fuck.)

Signed Impatiently Yours,

The Towel Boy

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Rocket Stortini


Zachery Stortini appears to be on a mission of late:

A mission to score more goals than Sam Gagner.

Check these stats...

Sam Gagner #89
SeasonGPGAP+/-PIMPPSHGWSS%
2008-200951 6


Average TOI:  16:56


Zack Stortini #46
SeasonGPGAP+/-PIMPPSHGWSS%
2008-200937 4
Average TOI:  6:56



What in Sweet Zeus's Underpants!?!...Zack has 4 goals to Gagner's 6, while playing 14 fewer games and averaging 10 minutes less TOI per game.  Am I reading this correct?  Doth mine eyes deceivith me...eth?

Ummm....who saw this coming?!?

I understand that Gagner has put up more points than Zack...a lot more points....but goals is what this narrow minded and one sided article has focused on.  

Sam is a play maker, so it stands to reason he's going to score less goals than your average sniper.  I get that.  But to have only 2 more than your team's limited minute huggy bear?  That's the worst thing imaginable.  Especially for someone of Gagner's draft position and hockey pedigree.

Perhaps this is the push that Sammy needs to start finishing some of his chances down the stretch.  It already appears lately that Sam has taken a page from the gameplay manual of one Zachery Johnson Howard Stortini:

1.  Crash net with wreckless abandon.  Check!
2.  Fight.  Check!
3.  Dig puck out of corners and cycle deep...maintain solid forecheck.  Check!
4.  Grow 5 o'clock shadow at 9:30 AM.  Ok, gotta work on that.
5.  Use "well umm" and "uhhh" and "errr" multiple times in TV interviews.  Not Required.

Now, there's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition amongst teammates...So it should translate well down the stretch for both players to keep this little goal scoring race going.  I just deep down inside hope Zack doesn't surpass Gagner in goals...cuz Sam's Sophmore Jinxed psyche doesn't need that kick to the ball sack.

The Towel Boy...CBC News.......Edmonton.