Wait...what? There's Hockey Already?

Picture Above: Me, looking at the calendar the other day and discovering there is hockey being played already.

What the hell!?! There's friggin hockey being played already! It's the middle of September! Who saw this coming!?!

Yeah, so basically in my excitement of becoming a new owner of a sweet top hat (pictured above), I forgot that the preaseason season was happening. I didn't forget in the sense that the Oilers have played two preseason games already and I didn't know. I "forgot" in the sense that some people actually read this site and expect well written, informative and often mind blowing essays on all things Oil. What better time to fire up the old blogging machine than the first preseason game for the Oilers. Problem is, I was lazy...didn't do it and the first preseason game was two days ago.

Sooooo, I'm hoping all my faithful readers will forgive my laziness and absense over the past couple months and start reading my crap again. I have quite a few unique visitors to this site. If you'll bare with me, I'd like to give a shout out to some of my regular returning visitors:

1. Google cache. You, my friend, have been coming back to this site since it started. You stop by every few days to see if there's any new content and I applaud you for that. I'll remember you, always.

2. Google image search = Child_crying.jpg

I don't know what it is about this picture...but it gets more visitors to my site than any other image I have. People must google image search "Child crying" lots...cuz I bet I get 3 or 5 unique visitors per month looking for this image. Is there that many depressed individuals in the world that they actually look for pictures like this? Does it make them feel better? I know it makes me feel better and I'm glad I google image searched it 10 months ago. I look at it from time to time when I'm feeling sad and I realize that the kid in that picture has it much worse than I do. "Haha...loser" I say to the kid in that picture when I'm feeling sad, and then after I say that I feel awesome again. True story.

3. us.military.gov - I'm not sure what you guys are looking for, but I'm not involved in any terrorist plots to overthrow the government and I think Obama is a pretty cool dude.

4. Mom - Thanks mom.

5. Person that connects to the internets via the University of Alberta running MacOSx - You read this site. Lots. If I could identify you I would by you a sandwich or something. Keep coming!

6. Myself - You, good sir, have more visits to this site than anyone I know. You are amazing, great looking and you have a great smile. I thank you for your tireless efforts in reading this site and I hope you'll continue doing so as the season wears on. Thank you. Sincerely.

Ok, now that we've got that out of the way...How about those OILERS!!! Yeah baby! 2 and 0 to start the preseason. I love it. I am locking down playoff tickets as we speak. I would like to share with you a few observations from the training camp and the two games so far:

- Everyone looks real damn rusty. Like seriously...how many missed nets, posts and whiffs happened in the first two games? I don't keep stats for that stuff, but I wager if it was a number...it'd be high.

- Ethan Moreau's eye still creeps me out.

- Pat Quinn looks godly behind the bench and I swear to god he will cause the splitting of an atom at some point this season from chewing the hell out of that piece of Extra Sugar Free gum.

- We have like 35 goalies at training camp this year. WTF?

- Schremp sure looked good in the first preseason tilt in Calgary. He really controlled the play on the PP and he didn't look too terribly out of position. The Islanders are sure going to have a sweet waiver wire pickup when the Oilers have to place him on waivers because they have 102 forwards to fill 14 or so spots in the lineup.

- Hemsky looks like a giant when he plays with Gagner and Nilsson. Like he absolutely looks HUGE.

- Eberle is a beaut! Man, this kid is gonna be some kind of awesome if/when he makes the team. It's crazy to think he'll go back to JUNIOR if/when the Oilers boot him out of taining camp. Pretty solid offensively. Quick shot and he's sneaky.

That's about it for now. The Oilers' next preseason game is tomorrow night against the Panthers. Somehow the TSN preseason power rankings have put the Panthers one spot ahead of the Oilers, so I figure the Panthers should walk right thru Rexall on friday and score 12 goals and not even break a sweat. We'll see, TSN preseason power rankings....we'll see.

-TB

GOALA-GOALA-GOALA-GOALA-GOOOAAALLLL!!!!

Sam Gagner:

3 Goals. 1 Assist. First career hatty. 8 points in the last 5 games.

Jesus H. Christ, that was AWESOME! What a great time to bust that sophmore slump.

I still don't really know what just happened...but I love it. Who saw this coming!?!

On to Chicago boys!!

Towel Boy

Well for fuck sakes

Twelve seconds into the game last night I knew I was about to witness a piece of shit hockey game.

I don't know what it is with the Oilers these days, but these so called "must win" games down the stretch here don't look like much of a big deal to most of the team.

Lazy plays, lazy players, indifferent looking superstars and all around general bone headed plays are killing this team lately.  A complete lack of effort on the part of some players.

I wanna see some god damned PLAYOFF INTENSITY FROM HERE ON OUT!   DAMMIT!

The kind of intensity that people lose 5 teeth from an errant clearing attempt and come back after getting a few stitches to set up the game winner.  The kind of intensity that causes your Captain to play with dislocated shoulders.  The kind of intensity that causes pucks to enter the opposition's net by sheer fear.  The kind of intensity that takes you deep into the playoffs.  

Leave it all out on the ice type of shit.

Rollie seems to be the only player that is consistently playing at this level lately.  The rest of the team seems to be invisible one game and there the next.  Except for Sam Gagner over the past few games.  Quite solid.

Gagner played his wee little heart out again last night.  He was all over the ice.  Banging, crashing, scoring, passing, preparing donairs for Penner and generally being the little buzz saw we hoped he'd be out of the gates this season.

MacT didn't sound terribly impressed with most of his defensive core in the post game comments last night.  In fact, it was probably one of the few times this season where he didn't try and spin the game to sound like it was better than it was.  There was no "Well, I thought we played good, we got a lot of good looks at the net."  There was no "The score wasn't indicative of how well we played."  No...just MacT calling out his defense and looking generally pissed off at most of his team.  

GOOD!  Now maybe something will happen to kickstart this team into playoff mode.

One can only hope.

Towel Boy, out.

I should just shut my cake hole...

Ok, so my powers of prognostication need a little work. I did NOT see this coming!

I thought I had this one pegged and in the bag. Seriously. I was so sure that the vision I saw while taking my morning shit was the front page of the Edmonton Journal for tomorrow and I could have sworn the headline read "Hemsky, Hero in Nashville!"

I guess it was "zero"...not "hero".

Honestly...where was the kid tonight? Wow. Everytime he touched the puck it was a turnover or a botched stick handling move. Not cool.

Now the Preds are tied with us in the standings. FUCK!

Poo, Sam and Cole played a stellar game though. Gotta love that.

But man, was I wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

At least we got a point...right?

...whatever...and to think that I spent 3 days making that cool AVP photoshop thingy too....gah.

Love,

The Towel Boy (aka Sylvia Browne...send me money and I'll let you talk to your dead aunt)

BJ's 1 - Oilers 0

What was that shitshow the Oilers laid out at RX1 last night?

Seriously.  That was the worst game I've watched in a long time.

Pretty awful showing for such an important "playoff atmosphere" type of game with everything on the line.

It was a nasty mixed up assignment on the Torres goal.  Gagner was covering high for Gilbert and then on the way back up ice they both decided to take the left wing and forgot about the right side all together....leaving Torres, of all people, wide open.  *sighs heavily*

I think it's time to do some housecleaning. 

FMNF!

The Towel Boy

Rocket Stortini

Zachery Stortini appears to be on a mission of late:

A mission to score more goals than Sam Gagner.

Check these stats...

Sam Gagner #89

Kyle Brodziak  Andrew Cogliano  Erik Cole  Jeff Deslauriers  Sam Gagner  Tom Gilbert  Denis Grebeshkov  Ales Hemsky  Shawn Horcoff  Jean-Francois Jacques  Steve MacIntyre  Ethan Moreau  Robert Nilsson  Theo Peckham  Dustin Penner  Fernando Pisani  Marc Pouliot  Liam Reddox  Dwayne Roloson  Ladislav Smid  Sheldon Souray  Steve Staios  Zack Stortini  Jason Strudwick  Lubomir Visnovsky

Season	GP	G	A	P	+/-	PIM	PP	SH	GW	S	S%
2008-2009	51	6

Average TOI:  16:56

Zack Stortini #46

Kyle Brodziak  Andrew Cogliano  Erik Cole  Jeff Deslauriers  Sam Gagner  Tom Gilbert  Denis Grebeshkov  Ales Hemsky  Shawn Horcoff  Jean-Francois Jacques  Steve MacIntyre  Ethan Moreau  Robert Nilsson  Theo Peckham  Dustin Penner  Fernando Pisani  Marc Pouliot  Liam Reddox  Dwayne Roloson  Ladislav Smid  Sheldon Souray  Steve Staios  Zack Stortini  Jason Strudwick  Lubomir Visnovsky

Season	GP	G	A	P	+/-	PIM	PP	SH	GW	S	S%
2008-2009	37	4

Average TOI:  6:56

What in Sweet Zeus's Underpants!?!...Zack has 4 goals to Gagner's 6, while playing 14 fewer games and averaging 10 minutes less TOI per game.  Am I reading this correct?  Doth mine eyes deceivith me...eth?

Ummm....who saw this coming?!?

I understand that Gagner has put up more points than Zack...a lot more points....but goals is what this narrow minded and one sided article has focused on.  

Sam is a play maker, so it stands to reason he's going to score less goals than your average sniper.  I get that.  But to have only 2 more than your team's limited minute huggy bear?  That's the worst thing imaginable.  Especially for someone of Gagner's draft position and hockey pedigree.

Perhaps this is the push that Sammy needs to start finishing some of his chances down the stretch.  It already appears lately that Sam has taken a page from the gameplay manual of one Zachery Johnson Howard Stortini:

1.  Crash net with wreckless abandon.  Check!
2.  Fight.  Check!
3.  Dig puck out of corners and cycle deep...maintain solid forecheck.  Check!
4.  Grow 5 o'clock shadow at 9:30 AM.  Ok, gotta work on that.
5.  Use "well umm" and "uhhh" and "errr" multiple times in TV interviews.  Not Required.

Now, there's nothing wrong with a little healthy competition amongst teammates...So it should translate well down the stretch for both players to keep this little goal scoring race going.  I just deep down inside hope Zack doesn't surpass Gagner in goals...cuz Sam's Sophmore Jinxed psyche doesn't need that kick to the ball sack.

The Towel Boy...CBC News.......Edmonton.

Sam "Raging Bull" Gagner

Wow.

Ok, so this afternoon the Oilers and the Kings met in L.A. to fight and call each other names, and a game of hockey broke out.

In a game filled with 3 fighting majors, a nice array of minor penalties and some awesome hits from both sides it was clear that Sam Gagner would have to step in and chuck some knuckles to settle this thing down. Who saw this coming?!?

That's right...Sam Friggin' Gagner dropped his tiny gloves with Jack Johnson this afternoon and stood up for himself after a net crashin' post whistle scrum.

Both players landed some decent shots and tagged each other in the final blows. After it was all over Gags had a bloody nose and my respect to show for his efforts (which is huge...cuz I'm kind of a big deal). It doesn't matter who won or lost, what matters is that Sam Friggin' Gagner dropped the gloves. My wee Little Sammy.

*tear of pride rolls down cheek*


Math Time:
Interesting statistic (Jonathan Willis, take note) - this was Sam Gagner's 2nd career NHL fight.

The following graph will analyze Gagner's number of fights and the distribution of the months in which they occured:

That's right! Both of Sam Gagner's NHL fights have occured in month of February. Who saw that coming?!? February 16th, 2008 and Today to be exact.

Maybe Sam's got lady troubles and the general region of Valentine's Day (tm) sends him into a week long, angry, alcohol fueled fit of rage where he would fight his own mother if she was within swinging distance.

Either way...I've got my calendar marked for mid February, 2010 for Sam's next tilt. Can't wait!

Yours truly,

Winston J. Towel Boy IV - esq.