Wait...what? There's Hockey Already?

Picture Above: Me, looking at the calendar the other day and discovering there is hockey being played already.

What the hell!?! There's friggin hockey being played already! It's the middle of September! Who saw this coming!?!

Yeah, so basically in my excitement of becoming a new owner of a sweet top hat (pictured above), I forgot that the preaseason season was happening. I didn't forget in the sense that the Oilers have played two preseason games already and I didn't know. I "forgot" in the sense that some people actually read this site and expect well written, informative and often mind blowing essays on all things Oil. What better time to fire up the old blogging machine than the first preseason game for the Oilers. Problem is, I was lazy...didn't do it and the first preseason game was two days ago.

Sooooo, I'm hoping all my faithful readers will forgive my laziness and absense over the past couple months and start reading my crap again. I have quite a few unique visitors to this site. If you'll bare with me, I'd like to give a shout out to some of my regular returning visitors:

1. Google cache. You, my friend, have been coming back to this site since it started. You stop by every few days to see if there's any new content and I applaud you for that. I'll remember you, always.

2. Google image search = Child_crying.jpg

I don't know what it is about this picture...but it gets more visitors to my site than any other image I have. People must google image search "Child crying" lots...cuz I bet I get 3 or 5 unique visitors per month looking for this image. Is there that many depressed individuals in the world that they actually look for pictures like this? Does it make them feel better? I know it makes me feel better and I'm glad I google image searched it 10 months ago. I look at it from time to time when I'm feeling sad and I realize that the kid in that picture has it much worse than I do. "Haha...loser" I say to the kid in that picture when I'm feeling sad, and then after I say that I feel awesome again. True story.

3. us.military.gov - I'm not sure what you guys are looking for, but I'm not involved in any terrorist plots to overthrow the government and I think Obama is a pretty cool dude.

4. Mom - Thanks mom.

5. Person that connects to the internets via the University of Alberta running MacOSx - You read this site. Lots. If I could identify you I would by you a sandwich or something. Keep coming!

6. Myself - You, good sir, have more visits to this site than anyone I know. You are amazing, great looking and you have a great smile. I thank you for your tireless efforts in reading this site and I hope you'll continue doing so as the season wears on. Thank you. Sincerely.

Ok, now that we've got that out of the way...How about those OILERS!!! Yeah baby! 2 and 0 to start the preseason. I love it. I am locking down playoff tickets as we speak. I would like to share with you a few observations from the training camp and the two games so far:

- Everyone looks real damn rusty. Like seriously...how many missed nets, posts and whiffs happened in the first two games? I don't keep stats for that stuff, but I wager if it was a number...it'd be high.

- Ethan Moreau's eye still creeps me out.

- Pat Quinn looks godly behind the bench and I swear to god he will cause the splitting of an atom at some point this season from chewing the hell out of that piece of Extra Sugar Free gum.

- We have like 35 goalies at training camp this year. WTF?

- Schremp sure looked good in the first preseason tilt in Calgary. He really controlled the play on the PP and he didn't look too terribly out of position. The Islanders are sure going to have a sweet waiver wire pickup when the Oilers have to place him on waivers because they have 102 forwards to fill 14 or so spots in the lineup.

- Hemsky looks like a giant when he plays with Gagner and Nilsson. Like he absolutely looks HUGE.

- Eberle is a beaut! Man, this kid is gonna be some kind of awesome if/when he makes the team. It's crazy to think he'll go back to JUNIOR if/when the Oilers boot him out of taining camp. Pretty solid offensively. Quick shot and he's sneaky.

That's about it for now. The Oilers' next preseason game is tomorrow night against the Panthers. Somehow the TSN preseason power rankings have put the Panthers one spot ahead of the Oilers, so I figure the Panthers should walk right thru Rexall on friday and score 12 goals and not even break a sweat. We'll see, TSN preseason power rankings....we'll see.

-TB

Jaw-O-Mer Jaw-Ger

Jagr's head on Gagner's body?  Who saw this coming!?!

So, news is fluttering around the internet series of tubes and chutes the past couple of days about how much Jaromir Jagr would LOVE to play for the Edmonton Oilers.  If, of course, he wasn't already under contract in the KHL... and they made him a good offer... and he didn't have to play a starring role....and if there was less contact in the NHL.  All those minor tidbits aside, apparently he's just smitten with how much love the Oilers showed him a few months back in trying to woo him from his KHL team where he makes eleventy billion dollars a season, tax free.

I'm not sure where I stand on this whole deal.  I know that Jagr was one of my favorite players when I was 13.  I even have his rookie card in O-Pee-Chee Premier 90-91, in mint condition locked away in an acrylic card protector inside a climate controlled safe.  Ok, that last bit about a  climate controlled safe is a total lie, but the rest is true.  That card was my pride and joy when I was 15 and it still is to this day. I take it out every now and then to remind myself of how awesomely rare it is.  "Not everyone has a Jaromir Jagr rookie card in O-Pee-Chee Premier 90-91, in mint condition locked away in an acrylic card protector inside a climate controlled safe." I tell myselft when I look at it.

Gushing about sweet rookie cards aside, I think I'd be in with Jagr as an Oiler, providing they a) don't overpay his old ass.  b) don't sign him to more than a year.

I suspect those two points will be the exact opposite of what he'll be looking for along with his ticket to E-Town...but hey....you never know.  I sure could get used to seeing Jagr and Hemsky connecting like they have been at the IIHF Worlds this past week.  If you missed it....Jagr has setup both of Hemsky's goals.  I even watched the last game on a Czech feed and all I could make out was "czech czech czech Jagr czech czech czech Hemsky czech CCCCZZZZEEECCCHHHHH!!!"  It was totally sweet.

Your friend,

The Towel Boy

I should just shut my cake hole...

Ok, so my powers of prognostication need a little work. I did NOT see this coming!

I thought I had this one pegged and in the bag. Seriously. I was so sure that the vision I saw while taking my morning shit was the front page of the Edmonton Journal for tomorrow and I could have sworn the headline read "Hemsky, Hero in Nashville!"

I guess it was "zero"...not "hero".

Honestly...where was the kid tonight? Wow. Everytime he touched the puck it was a turnover or a botched stick handling move. Not cool.

Now the Preds are tied with us in the standings. FUCK!

Poo, Sam and Cole played a stellar game though. Gotta love that.

But man, was I wrong. Wrong wrong wrong.

At least we got a point...right?

...whatever...and to think that I spent 3 days making that cool AVP photoshop thingy too....gah.

Love,

The Towel Boy (aka Sylvia Browne...send me money and I'll let you talk to your dead aunt)

AVP - Ales Vs. Predators

Big game tonight.

Huge.

Collossal interstellar battle.  Good vs. Evil.  Ales vs. Predators.

The preds currently sit one big comfy point behind us in the log jammed Western Conference standings.  This is yet another one of those proverbial "4 point" games.  

The Oilers appear to be floundering somewhat of late.  They haven't put forth a solid full 60 minute effort in...well...I'm too lazy to remember.  What I can remember off the top of my head is that they got lucky against Minnie last Saturday and had Rollie steal the show, they laid up a stinker against the BJ's and almost had Rollie steal the show, they got lucky against the Bolts and got an empty netter to make the score look much better than it actually was and of course they blew a 3rd period lead with just over a minute to go against the Flames - only to blow the shootout with ZERO shots on net.  ZERO.  The SHOOTOUT.  Skater + Goalie + Puck.  ZZZZzzero shots. 

Anyways, I think the Oilers are gonna win tonight.  4-2.  Hemmer with the strong game.  We need a big game out of Hemmer.  I think he's gonna bring it.  He seems to like the road games.

Towel Boy