Congratulations Oilersnation.com

I would like to give a big huge internet high five to the fine folks over at Oilersnation.com for pimpin big.

In case you missed it, bingofuel and Gregor are movie stars now:

Not only did this small website have cool enough readership to send Gregor to Montreal to cover the draft, but they also raised a boatload of cash to go to the Stollery Children's Hospital. Way to go readers and Oilersnation peeps. Way. To. Go.

- TB

Dream With Me For A Second

The photo above was taken from the future. It is a distant future. There's laser guns, flying cars, holograms on every corner and Dany Heatley is an Oiler. In what could be described as "the worst photoshop The Towel Boy has ever done" (above) you will see an accurate* artistic representation of this world and how it would look as Dany Heatley does his post goal flyby.

Flashback to the present:

Word came down today from the hockey megaverse central hive (tsn.ca) that Dany Heatley wants out of Ottawa. I don't blame him. That is one shitty team over the past couple of seasons. They went from balls out awesome to flat out titty-fucking awful over one offseason. Some of it was coaching, some of it was goaltending. I don't pretend to know why the Sens turned up the suck...maybe it was Jason Smith. But they did...and that's what lead up to the events of today.

Would Heatley want to be traded to the Oilers? I don't know...I don't even know if he has a say really. I don't think he has a no trade clause, so it would seem it's up the Brian Murray. It's not like the Oilers have been lights out the past couple of seasons either, when compared to the Sens, but here's why I think Dany Heatley would love to play for the Oilers:

1. I said so.

So there you have it. A solid argument as to why the Oilers should do everything in their power to package up a nice assortment of up-and-comers plus Rob Schremp to land Dany Heatley. Besides, it doesn't look much like Hossa is coming here this summer.

Now, back into my time machine! I was in the middle of watching the series finale of Big Brother coming up this summer when I decided to come back and post this.

*KERZZZZOOORK* poof.

Signed,

Past Towel Boy writing as Present Towel Boy with information from the Future Towel Boy

*not at all accurate, pretty shitty actually

The Two Headed Coaching Monster

So, it's been a while since I've been in touch with the internet.  I've been away from my desk working on a project most of this week.  Now, imagine my surprise the other day when I get an email on my Blackberry from the Edmonton Oilers Pipeline informing me that there would be a press conference around lunch time.  Imagine more of my surpise when I don't get that email until after I happened to be at home for lunch and TSN was reporting that the mighty Pat Quinn and Tom Renney would be appointed as the Edmonton Oilers' new Coach(es).  Imagine even more of my surpise when I get an email from a buddy simply titled "DOOOOOOODE!" with the new coaching information nicely packaged within.  Now imagine even more surprises when I get a text message from yet another buddy saying "What?  No Towel Boy around today?  Who saw this coming!?!"  Now imagine you're in a large open field, with the wind gently blowing the tall grass causing it to sway slowly back and forth....woops...shit, sorry...we're done imagining now.

THIS SHIT IS REAL!!!

Yeah...so double you tee eff!  "Two coaches!?"  "Who the fuck saw this coming!?!" I scream to myself.  

All of us interneteers that deal with the Oilers had our suspicions that Pat Quinn could possibly be named as Head Coach.  We also had our suspicions that Tom Renney could possibly be named as Head Coach.  But never and a brazillion years could any of us imagined that BOTH men would be named as coaches of our beloved hockey squadron.

The Mighty Pat Quinn will be the head honcho and Renney was named his "associate".  Pretty sweet since I would have been happy with either man being named as any kind of coach for the team.

I really like this tandem of coaching awesomeness.  Both men have excellent coaching records.  Both men have shown abilities to lead teams to winning records.  Both men are committed to icing a competitive product next season.  With two coaches they can even pull the "good cop, bad cop" routine when needed.  I'm so fuckin' PUMPED!

Now Tambo has the delightful duty of meeting with his new coaches and doing some roster tweaking over the summer.  It'll be curious to see how the roster shakes out going into training camp this fall.  Could this summer be any longer!?!?  (what?...it's only May?  ...fuck.)

Signed Impatiently Yours,

The Towel Boy

Ghost Town...

Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video

Huge Free Agency Signing

My new home?

Soooo...word came down from my agent today that I signed a multi-year, multi-million dollar deal with Jeanshorts and Baggedmilk.   I also hear that Admiral Rusty Shackleford has signed with the team as well. 

This is good stuff.  Those two fuckers over there at the JSBM Research Center and Child Day Care Home come up with some pretty crazy shit.  They scour the internet and find the stupidest/lamest/weirdest/funniest/hotest/randomest shit the internet has to offer, add a Megan Fox picture or video and then open up discussions about it.  Think of it as an internet town hall for filth and trash.  Not only do they offer up the underbelly of the internet, they also are diehard Oiler fans and are hosts to the Oiler game night internet gathering of the Bonsignore Citizens Brigade...which is a good way to bitch about the game as it goes on with fellow fans who like to swear and talk about boobs.  The best of all worlds really.

So...heads up internet citizens...this should be interesting.

Hahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahaha

Soooo...the Canucks are done.  Too bad.  Where was your ALLSTAR goaltender last night Canucks fans!??  HUH!??

Luongo lets in 7 goals.  In ONE game.  Who saw this coming!?!

P.S.  Vancouver fans:  If you want to run your goalie out of town by all means direct him towards Edmonton.  Kthanxbye.