Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video

Huge Free Agency Signing

My new home?

Soooo...word came down from my agent today that I signed a multi-year, multi-million dollar deal with Jeanshorts and Baggedmilk.   I also hear that Admiral Rusty Shackleford has signed with the team as well. 

This is good stuff.  Those two fuckers over there at the JSBM Research Center and Child Day Care Home come up with some pretty crazy shit.  They scour the internet and find the stupidest/lamest/weirdest/funniest/hotest/randomest shit the internet has to offer, add a Megan Fox picture or video and then open up discussions about it.  Think of it as an internet town hall for filth and trash.  Not only do they offer up the underbelly of the internet, they also are diehard Oiler fans and are hosts to the Oiler game night internet gathering of the Bonsignore Citizens Brigade...which is a good way to bitch about the game as it goes on with fellow fans who like to swear and talk about boobs.  The best of all worlds really.

So...heads up internet citizens...this should be interesting.

Hahahahahahahahhaahhahahahahahahahahahahaha

Soooo...the Canucks are done.  Too bad.  Where was your ALLSTAR goaltender last night Canucks fans!??  HUH!??

Luongo lets in 7 goals.  In ONE game.  Who saw this coming!?!

P.S.  Vancouver fans:  If you want to run your goalie out of town by all means direct him towards Edmonton.  Kthanxbye.

2006 Cup Finals Rexall Place Scoreboard Intro Vid

*wells up with tears of pride/joy/sadness*

My New Fave Beer Commercial

Not sure why...but I find this ad for Lakeport beer absolutely fucking halarious. Good job advertising brainiacs. Good job.

The Blackberry Dude Is At It Again

Seriously...who would stand in the way
of giving this guy a franchise?

I'll tell you who:  Gary Bettman and the NHL Owners Club™.  That's who.

For some reason Jim Balsillie doesn't like to play by the rules.  Most billionaires don't.  I can't say I blame him.  If I could buy islands and small countries with the change in the ashtray of my Ferrari I'd probably have little regard for "the rules of society" as well.

But, the society of the NHL Owners Club™ is a tricky one to slither into.  From all accounts it's a bit of an Old Boys Club...and in order to get in, you HAVE to play by their rules.  They don't seem to enjoy flashy billionaires trying to circumvent the bureaucratic process, and Jim has tried to do just that on two previous occaisions. 

So, we'll see how Canada's favorite billionaire makes out this time around.  It sounds like courts would be involved and then there's the matter of whether or not a bankruptcy court has the authority to tell the NHL how to conduct its business.  This could get ugly. 

In related news...

Baggedmilk says the team will be called the Hamilton Storm...get it?  Balsillie?...Research In Motion?...Blackberry?....STORM?....I must say, that is quite clever.  I'm in. 

Signed lovingly as always,

TowelBoy

Jaw-O-Mer Jaw-Ger

Jagr's head on Gagner's body?  Who saw this coming!?!

So, news is fluttering around the internet series of tubes and chutes the past couple of days about how much Jaromir Jagr would LOVE to play for the Edmonton Oilers.  If, of course, he wasn't already under contract in the KHL... and they made him a good offer... and he didn't have to play a starring role....and if there was less contact in the NHL.  All those minor tidbits aside, apparently he's just smitten with how much love the Oilers showed him a few months back in trying to woo him from his KHL team where he makes eleventy billion dollars a season, tax free.

I'm not sure where I stand on this whole deal.  I know that Jagr was one of my favorite players when I was 13.  I even have his rookie card in O-Pee-Chee Premier 90-91, in mint condition locked away in an acrylic card protector inside a climate controlled safe.  Ok, that last bit about a  climate controlled safe is a total lie, but the rest is true.  That card was my pride and joy when I was 15 and it still is to this day. I take it out every now and then to remind myself of how awesomely rare it is.  "Not everyone has a Jaromir Jagr rookie card in O-Pee-Chee Premier 90-91, in mint condition locked away in an acrylic card protector inside a climate controlled safe." I tell myselft when I look at it.

Gushing about sweet rookie cards aside, I think I'd be in with Jagr as an Oiler, providing they a) don't overpay his old ass.  b) don't sign him to more than a year.

I suspect those two points will be the exact opposite of what he'll be looking for along with his ticket to E-Town...but hey....you never know.  I sure could get used to seeing Jagr and Hemsky connecting like they have been at the IIHF Worlds this past week.  If you missed it....Jagr has setup both of Hemsky's goals.  I even watched the last game on a Czech feed and all I could make out was "czech czech czech Jagr czech czech czech Hemsky czech CCCCZZZZEEECCCHHHHH!!!"  It was totally sweet.

Your friend,

The Towel Boy